The reason I am writing you is because I am newly married (almost 6 months). We have been together for five years and I have had a drinking problem and video game addiction that I am currently working to fix.
My wife has never really sat me down and told me about these problems and so I never knew they existed until they blew up and now we are living separately and she tells me she doesn’t know if she feels the same anymore and it may be too late for me to fix things.
I love her with all my heart but she tells me that she has never felt like my main priority. I am trying everything I can to fix things but right now she says she still loves me and always will but doesn’t think we should be together right now.
The only thing that scares me is that she may have given up on our relationship or is putting up some kind of wall. I would do anything in my power to fix this relationship but I feel like she is so distant and hurt I may not get that chance.
I would do anything to salvage my relationship and am taking my road to sobriety day by day but it is a very hard thing to do right now.
She has been my shining light for the last five years and right now I am just scared.” - P
I’m really sorry to hear that things are not going well for you and your wife in your new marriage.
Well, I really wouldn’t know the real reason behind your wife’s current behaviour, and why she would only tell you now how much your drinking and gaming addiction has been such a problem to her for all these years. One reason that I could possibly think of is, she may be hoping that marriage will change you. But when she realises that it doesn’t, and you’re still addicted, that’s when she feels it’s time for her to do something about it. But like I said, this is just a wild guess, so I could be wrong.
I know how hard it must be for you to work on this issue without your wife by your side, but I suppose this could be the real test for you and your marriage. If you could show her, through real action and results, how much she means to you and at what extent you’re willing to get out of your comfort zone and overcome your fears and addiction just to have her back, probably she will believe your sincerity through your sheer perseverance. Keep her updated on your progress, but don’t put the pressure on her to come back home. She will when she’s ready.
In the meantime while you’re working on this, I would strongly suggest the both of you to seek professional counselling. There, she may feel safe to tell you what her real thoughts are, and why didn’t she sit you down early on in your relationship and address these issues.
However, if for whatever reasons she may refuse to attend the counselling with you, it would be of great help if you were to go for it yourself. The counsellor will help in sorting out some emotional issues that may crop up during this time as you’re working on getting rid of your addiction.
Last but not least, regardless of the outcome, please hang on there and resolve your drinking and gaming addiction. You are doing something marvellous for yourself. When you’ve succeeded, this could just be the best gift you could offer to yourself and your loved ones.
All the best P.