Money is a very sensitive issue, do you agree?
Court cases of family members tearing their kinship apart because of the dollars and cents make one cringe. We wonder if they have lost their senses. However, much as we sigh, they are as real as they can be.
How then can we prevent issues involving money from hurting our relationships with our romantic partners, family members and friends?
Here are some tips that anyone can use to prevent conflicts from arising between you and your loved one. For easy illustration, I’ll use partner to refer to you and that significant other, who could be your spouse, romantic partner, a close friend, business partner or a family member.
1. Beliefs and Values
Understanding your partner’s belief and value toward money, especially on the area of expenditure will give you clarity over the reasons behind their action and decision on money-related matters.
For example, while you may have no qualm about taking cabs, your partner may feel that he/she would rather use that money to have a better meal or to get that pair of shoe.
What’s your stand toward cash vs credit spending? What is the minimum security level for both of you?
2. Skills
Who is the better person to manage the finances? Recognising your strengths and weaknesses go a long way to set the boundary and assign responsibility. Many people are unwilling to let go of the control over their finances for fear that their partners will do a worse job than them. However, chances are if your partner has a better sense over numbers, then you could save your time and frustration by delegating this task to them.
After identify the better person to manage finance, develop the skills necessary for good money management. If none of you posess such skills, either take up a course, read a book or hire a professional (see Tip 4 below).
3. Communication
There’s a Chinese saying that goes “talking about money hurts relations”. In a way, it is true. However, when the circumstance requires you to talk about money and you choose to avoid it, the repercussions could be graver than if you were to just openly tell your partner how you feel towards his/her spending/saving habit and behaviour.
For dating couples who are planning to get married, it is imperative that you have to talk about money. Go through your beliefs, values and concepts toward money you have. It’ll be good to explain to your partner why you see money in that manner so that both of you understand the reasons that contribute to your existing behaviour and mindset.
Knowing the way makes it much easier to come up with a how that both of you are satisfied and happy with.
4. Engage a professional
What happens if none of you are adept at doing budgets and planning finances? Fret not for there are many professional financial planners (real qualified ones, not insurance agents!) who are glad to offer their services for a fee.
If you’re worried that they may not have a vested interest in your personal affairs, you don’t have to. These professionals have their reputation to take care of, so it would be in their best interest to help you have a sound and healthy financial status. You are their best walking advertisement. Alternatively, you can peg their fees at a percentage of how much they have helped you to save/earn over a designated period. That is to say, make it a performance-based compensation plan.
Another merit of hiring a professional is you lower the chances of quarelling as both of you hear the views coming from an independent third party.
5. Take an interest
Do not be surprised to know that there are people in this world who is not interested to look at figures. It gives them a headache to look at the balance sheets and they would rather choose not to know about them.
But you know as well as I do how dangerous that can be. Ignorance of your financial situation is definitely not bliss. Therefore, do whatever it takes to make yourself take an interest in taking control. You don’t have to do the nitty gritty stuff (See Tip 4) but you have to be in the know as you are ultimately the one making the decisions.
If you don’t control your money, then others will. And these are the people who will help you to spend your moola, not grow it.
6. Learning to say no
Do you know of some people who doesn’t know how to say no to people who wants to borrow money from them? Even when their own kitty is on the borderline of reaching the dangerous “cash tight” zone, they still can’t bring themselves to say no?
I’m not encouraging people to reject friends who are in need of financial help, but you have to remember that it has to be within your means. The best way to know is ask yourself this question: “If you’re not getting back this sum of money, how will it affect your financial situation?”
If your answer to that question is it’ll not affect in a very long time to come, then why not help your friend tide through that crisis? But if you answer is it’ll probably bring you trouble if the money doesn’t come in within the short term, then you need to reconsider the urge to say yes. Help your partner see this concept. If the person is you, then tell your partner about it and ask him/her to remind you when such things happen again.
It takes courage to be able to speak your mind about money to someone close to you. This is more so due to the upbringing and culture in Asia where we are generally afraid to speak out for fear of rocking the boat.
There is a consequence to every action or inaction. The next time you see the need to communicate over money and you are fretting over whether you should or not, then ask yourself if you’re willing and prepared to face the consequence of keeping mum. Chances are, you may be able to find that hot button and find a good enough reason to either do it or not do it, and still be at peace and happy with whatever that comes with your decision.