Being Rejected Twice And Clueless Now
“Kloudiia
I met this girl whom I didn’t really expect to be attracted to at first. But her cute-ness and joyous personality draw me in very quickly. We used to hang out once to twice a week for the past 1 year plus.
Last year, I pop the question of possibility of a relationship before. She responded neutral at first, but I know I screw up as I proceed further. It is like I blanked out most of the time after my confession of love to her. Sensing someting is wrong, I took the step to tell her I wasn’t into her anymore and we should remain as friends. These helped me to return my state of mind to normal and I can start chatting with her normally.
So generally I keep getting into the so-called “mental barrier” when I got too emotionally attached to her. I still liked her a lot after, but didn’t really show it. So the normal hanging out continue. She would come to my place to watch DVDs, go out watch movies. I made offers to pick her up from the causeway whenever she came back to singapore from JB (sister’s place). This went on for a while until recently, I pop the question again. I told her I would still like to have her as a girlfriend. Her reply was “no chance”. I was depress for a while and manage to just picked up myself again. We are still friends now, but I am more open towards my feeling to her.
So I am mainly concern about the fact that she mentioned “no chance”. I mean, we are still good as friends. She is still the one I strongly hoped to spend my life with. On the other hand, since she said “no chance”, then should I let it go and not waste time with her?” - S
Dear S
What was the reason for her rejection? Was it something you can control, or not? If it is, what have you done about it or about yourself to make the situation more acceptable to her?
If it is not, then there really isn’t anything you can do except
1. continue to hang around until one day she changes her heart and mind; or
2. stop seeing each other for you to get over her and any remnants of possibilities that you two can get together as a couple.
There are repercussions for any of the two choices you can make above. You need to know how to handle the aftermath of your decisions. From what I see, it will somehow entail some misery on your part and work needs to be done to maintain a good and healthy emotional state in you.
Then again, the issue could lie in her and not in you. In this case, she could also consider getting some help (if she’s willing) to look at what is preventing her from receiving love and happiness without feeling bad.
Would you like me to support you during this process? You may wish to consider taking up a love coaching program with us and allow us to teach you how to handle the situation better and if need to, find out what areas you can improve on to become a better person and better partner when you enter into a relationship.
I wish you all the best and may you find your love soon!
Love, Kloudiia
To put it bluntly, is the girl taking advantage of S? In many instances, girls know that they are objects of desire, and they are quite prepared to exploit the situation to the max. Perhaps this girl sincerely likes to hang out with S, watching DVDs in his home and going to the movies with him (a purely platonic relationship which is really miserable for any guy).
So, stop seeing her. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But then again, it could lead to “out of sight, out of mind”!
If the girl really offers S “no chance”, then S should get her out of his sight ASAP, and go look for someone more sincere. There are plenty of nicer girls out there, and I’m sure Kloudiia has plenty of techniques to show how to look, hook and get hitched to the right person.
I guess it is clear then what I should do. Many of my friend had already adviced me to get her out of my mind, but well, it isn’t easy some times. But as times goes on, it doesn’t become clearer. And of course now that “she” is “too busy” to hang out as well, does help significantly.
Anyway, thanks for the comments. Thanks to the low marriage rate these days, it would means more available ladies out there. I believe I should be able to find another who would make my heart clicks again.
Correction: “But as times goes on, it does become clearer.”
Hmm, it’s good to hold that belief about finding another person who will make your heart stir again. I wish you good luck and may the right one appear soon!