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“Kloudiia

I met a guy a year ago. We did love each other. But he went back to his hometown and won’t be back to my place next year. So that is a long distance relationship. At first, we talked so often like at least 3 times a week and almost more than 2 hours everytime. But we didn’t chat much a few weeks ago. I thought that he got another girlfriend. I was so unahppy.

In my birthday, he sent me a bunch of roses with a sweet card. That’s so sweet. What he said is, “I hope I can join your life soon. Love you so much…etc” and we talked on phone for hours. At that time, all my suspecious gone. But we still don’t talk to each other that often. His excuse is he’s so busy at his school work and he’ll talk to me very soon.

I didn’t feel bad about that till I found that a girl leave him a message on net saying something like ” I love you so much my boyfriend…etc” Then I asked him who the girl was. He told me she’s just his ex-girlfriend and he complained that he told me before why I forgot. But the truth is, the message was leaved to him recently. How possible she’s just his Ex???!

I was so pissed off then I dated some other guys and I told him that I kissed with somebody. I didn’t know why I did that. I lost my mind. He’s so angry when I told him. He said “I may talk to you in my next life time. U cheater. U enjoy your life with that guy.” Then I called him he never replied. Two weeks gone. Last night I received a SMS from him. His text was kinda cold “Hey, how are you?” Just say “how are you”??? Even without any signature or whatever!

What does that mean? He just wants to see I’m alright or he’s not angry anymore? Should I called him back? Love, S” - S

Dear S

I hope by now you have realised what has gone wrong in your relationship. It seemed like there is no trust between both of you.

Whether or not he has lied to you about that girl, do you think it justifies you kissing another guy? Let’s put aside who is right or wrong now, and look at the underlying issue.

What were you thinking of when you did that? Was it an act of revenge? Maybe you could use this chance to do some reflection as well.

We do and say things that we will usually regret later when we are angry. But that doesn’t mean that we can rid ourselves of all the consequences that come along from that moment of rash.

You have to be responsible for kissing that guy, while your boyfriend has to accept his for sending that angry sms. Both have hurt each other, don’t you agree?

Would you like to salvage this relationship? If you do, then what is stopping you from calling him and giving him a detailed explanation? That is what I mean by taking responsibility and doing what you can to remedy the damage done.

If both of you still have feelings for each other, then I am confident that the misunderstandings can be cleared.

But what I’d like to highlight here is the issue of trust, or rather lack of it in this case. I would suggest that you lay down the boundaries with him if you were to start afresh. What kind of interaction between him and the opposite gender is considered acceptable to you? Do you expect full honesty from him?

It’s alright to have expectations of each other in a relationship. That’s normal. However, if you expect your partner to be able to read your heart and mind without you telling him, then that would be a bit too much to ask for, isn’t it?

Besides trust, if you two were to have a second chance at this relationship, I’d also suggest you get to know each other better in deeper terms. What are your values? How do you handle arguments?

Especially when you are in a long-distance relationship, if you don’t know your partner well enough, a slight stir will cause it to rock. When mishandled, it will even crash, like the previous time.

I wish you all the best S. If you need professional assistance to learn how to be a better partner and to handle relationships, I’ll be here for you too.

Love, Kloudiia

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