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“Kloudiia

About 3 years ago I started a new job, about 1 month later I met a man, I had seen him around but never really payed attention, one day we were sitting outside and we made eye contact for the first time. I swore to this day I felt like I was hit by a mack truck! I actually felt as if I should be picking myself off the ground. Anyways, as time went by we would talk when we were at work, I asked him questions about him self, he is the most intriguing person I have ever met.

Any ways after about another month, I heard that he was married. I have never had any interest in a married man. But he was different. No matter what I did, he was always in my head. I was seeing someone at the time and things weren’t good and we split up. This amazing man and I spoke almost every time we saw each other. We were both guilty of smiles overcoming us when we saw the other. Anyways, I had said a few times, you should come over and have some coffee sometime. He spoke of his marriage as if he was not happy and she was only in it for the money, but never directly said. I guess it was just a feeling I had.

Well he had told me, he slept on the couch and his wife was gone every weekend. And he worked weekends. Well one night before we got off of work, I said “Would you like to come over and have some coffee?” and he actually followed me home. I have never cheated in my life and I certainly don’t agree with fooling around with married men, but he was different. We never did have sex, we did fool around a little though. At one point it got so heated as if we had been waiting for this moment our whole lives. He said ” I’m not ready to leave her yet”. And the hot and heavy faded and he left.

Well several months went by and we continued speaking at work, and he came over again, just a little fooling around. I decided to get the nerve to kiss him and he pushed me away, but continued to do what we were doing. Well in the mean time my friend had set me up with this other guy, who I was very honest with about not wanting a relationship with him, I think I just gave up and was trying to block Mr. Wonderful out because it seemed like he would never leave his wife and I felt like maybe I wasn’t good enough. I ended up leaving that job, got pregnant by the guy I didn’t want a relationship with, we have lived together for the past year.

I am very unhappy. I have dreams all the time of Mr. Wonderful, he makes me smile at the thought of him. I know I am totally head over heels in love with him. And I feel like he might be pushing his feelings away also. I got up the nerve to call him at work about a week ago (it had been a year since we spoke). I said “Hi it’s M”, he said immediately “Hey how are you” he said everything is the same with him. Kinda like he is bored with his whole marriage and his life. He never once told me to leave him alone. Wouldn’t a guy that really don’t care tell me to leave him alone? Wouldn’t he forget me after a year? If he only wanted sex, wouldn’t we have done it?

He has been my love for 3 years now and I have not had any change of heart. I know he is the one I am supposed to be with. But I also don’t know if he feels the same way. Please help me? Give me suggestions or whatever. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you soon.” – M

Dear M

I empathise with you, I truly do. I can feel the kind of torment you are going through now, as your heart yearns for one while not having him.

I believe he could just the “the one” for you, no doubt about it, as I read about the kind of chemisty both of you share. At the same time, you’re really a lucky girl to have met him and not some other chaps who are in for the sex.

BUT, and this is a big but, Mr Wonderful is married.

AND he will remain unavailable so long as he remains married. If there is to be any change in his marital status, YOU are definitely not the one to cause it to happen. HE and HIS WIFE has to bear responsibility and to make their own decisions.

He has chosen to stay with his wife, so why are you choosing to stop at where you are and not look at other options to have a more fulfilling relationship?

I hate to splash cold water on your head, but I’m afraid I have to do this, and I believe this is what you’d like to hear too, since you have taken the initiative to write to me.

What I’d like to say is I hope you can answer this question honestly:

“How do you know he is the one for you? How sure are you that he will make a good husband, if he is available for marriage?”

We all fantasise about people, especially those whom we are infatuated with and not being able to have. I feel that you have been fantasising about being with him too much, but are you really sure that he will be able to give you life-long happiness? Because until and when you are really with him for good only then will you discover more things about him. It’s never the same when you are in this strong-infatuation stage. Everything about the other person is just wonderful and perfect.

There are some options you have, and the decision is up to you. You are in charge of your life and your relationship. So whether or not he feels for you is independent of the fact that he is married and you can’t be together in the open due to this fact.

You didn’t mention anything about your pregnancy with the man you are living with now. So why are you so sure you won’t want to have a relationship with him? Is it because you are in love with Mr Wonderful Yet Unavailable? Look at this man you are with closely, and observe if he has the qualities to be a good husband and father. Chances are, you could be totally blind to his merits as you continue to fantasize about the other man.

The choice is up to you, and I know you know this. M, I hope to hear from you when you have made up your mind on how to pursue real happiness!

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]dating & relationship, third party, extra-marital affairs, infidelity, love and marriage[/tags]