Troubles With My Ex-Boyfriend’s Affair With A Married Woman
“Kloudiia
I was in a relationship with a guy who was 12 years older than me for 5 years. During this time I gradually started to care for and take responsibility for his mentally challenged daughter and we spent almost every day together.
All of a sudden things changed and he had a “friend” who was married and when I questioning the amount of time that she was spending he then responded that he didn’t like the jealous side of me and that he never saw me like this before and what did I have to worry about. I decided to back down and not pursue the conversation.
It turns out that they were having an affair (him on me and her on her husband), he dumped me for her and I can not get over it. We have a business together and he got her on the Board of Directors and has basically cut out my participation in the business. Every time I see them I want to lash out. I don’t like feeling like this.
Is there anything I can do to help my situation? I also feel bad because his mentally challenged daughter has repeatedly called me and can’t comprehend why I am not around any more. She is very hurt by the fact that I am gone. But the part that I am trying to explain is that it is too painful for me to be around and do things with her after being hurt so bad.” - K
Dear K
I really empathise with you right now. It must have been a roller coaster ride of huge waves of emotions and feelings sweeping over you. You are very brave to continue hanging on and to seek for help to get you out of your predicament. Please continue to have the courage to ride through this period, ok?
Now let’s take stock of your situation and see what are your options, shall we?
You need to realise that this relationship is over, completely because you know as well as I do if you’re able to accept him back into your life again.
So how do you move forward? It seems like the sticky part comes from the business investment and his daughter’s attachment to you. Let’s work on these 2 issues now first.
1. Business
If you are a shareholder and Director of this company, then I believe that he has no right to remove you away from the operations. Even if he were to get someone else on board, you have to endorse that inclusion by holding a Director’s meeting. Unless he roped the support and agreement of the other shareholders (if there are any besides you and him), otherwise he can’t do this to you.
Have you spoken to a lawyer regarding this? If you haven’t, it will be wise to seek one’s professional advice on your stand and rights in this company.
If you’re thinking of withdrawing, then be prepared to negotiate the terms with him. Things will be easier if you have an agreement drawn up before the company was incorporated on the terms for withdrawal. If you don’t, I’m sure the lawyer will be able to help.
2. Daughter
Now, this could be tricker to handle because of her special circumstance. You have to decide if you still want to continue your friendship with her based on the attachment and bonding both of you already share, or to end it altogether so that everything is clean between you and him.
I know making this decision could be a tougher one than whether to stay on in the business or not.
If you choose not to be with her anymore as what you’ve said, then how do you plan to do it with the minimum amount of hurt on her? You have to acknowledge that she will feel hurt no matter what, because it isn’t easy for someone like her to be so attached to a person.
But that doesn’t mean that it is now your sole responsibility to ensure that she is safe. Her father has a big role to play as well. What you can do is to smoothen out the effects of your detachment by explaining to her that you will not be able to go to her house and accompany her anymore. Tell her at least a few times so that this information will go into her.
Let her father know about this and the rest is up to him.
Are you going to answer her phone calls in future? What does each option give you? Go through them and you’ll know which one will give you peace of mind.
Lastly, I may be wrong, but I got the feeling that you are angry and helpless now. Are you? If you are , I hope that you can work on this as well so that you will not bring this burden with you as you continue on with your life, and possibly your next relationship. I believe that you don’t like having this heavy feeling on your chest and bearing anger wherever you go.
All the best to you K. I wish that you will find peace, love and happiness.
Love, Kloudiia
Technorati Tags: cheating, extra-marital affair, breaking up, moving on, relationships
