Crush On A Much Younger Man
“Kloudiia
I had this crush on a guy whom I met about 2.5 yrs ago through a social event. He was 8 years younger than me.. 26 yrs old. He graduated from uni last year, now studying post grad course.
I know its not right for me to even think about it, but I just can’t help it. He’s mature, polite and charismatic. Have never told him my feeling, we are just mutual friends all these while. What should I do?
I know I should get on with my life and let it go.. but I can’t help thinking of him. I even thought of telling him, maybe jokingly over msn to test his response.. but I just don’t have the guts to do it. Its really torturing… I guess I’m afraid of losing him even as a friend after telling him.
Pls tell me what I should do… thks.” - J
Dear J
I can understand how torn you must be feeling now.
You’re right - you should get on with your life. But whether or not to let him go is another matter altogether.
You mentioned it is a crush. So are you only overwhelmed with all his strengths like maturity and charisma (sounds like he’s a good catch so I’m sure many girls will easily have a crush on him!)? How well do you know him? His values, life principles, goals, hobbies, lifestyle and his character. Do they meet your criteria for a partner? How well do they fit or misfit with yours?
I hope you are not digging your own hole and burying your head in it by being blind to all the realistic aspects of a person. If you are sure that it is more than just a crush, perhaps even close to love, then it is decision-making time.
You realise you have two choices, don’t you?
One - to let him know how you feel and get on with your life.
Two - to let him go without ever letting him know your feelings, and hence you won’t know how he feels towards you too, and get on with your life.
The second choice is the most straight-forward. No risk, no gain. But you probably have to deal with licking your “wound” for some time until the pain goes away. There is also a possibility that you might regret later on your non-action, and wonder what if you did tell him.
Is this the best option you can choose?
The first option means you have to take some risk, and whether there is a 50/50 chance that you might get your way depends on the type of relationship you have with him now.
Does he treat you the same as all his other gal friends? Has he ever paid special attention to some things you said or done? Has he cared or shown concern for you in a more attentive way? Did both of you go on single “dates” before? Who initiated that and how did it go?
Regardless of which choice you make, be aware of what you will be taking away from each option and how happy you will be with that.
Lastly, why do you feel it’s not right for you to like him? Is he married? Engaged? Or is he already in a very close relationship with another girl? Because other than these reasons, I don’t see why it is wrong for you to like him!
All the best to you J.
Love, Kloudiia
P.S: You might like to read this post I wrote earlier on for some useful tips and reference - “Dating A Younger Man”.
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