Should I Go After The Truth Of His Affair?
“Hi Kloudiia,
Came across your website and thought I might need some advice.
You probably hear this alot, but I’m having problems getting over a certain incident in the past involving my boyfriend and another girl.
He kinda told me a different and more ‘innocent’ side of the story which I truly believed. And since then, he changed slowly and things began to seem brighter and more promising between us.
But recently, I was told the actual story of their affair by a true witness who didn’t want to tell me then due to not wanting to see me hurt.
And let me tell you, my heart sank to the ground. I seriously cannot accept what they’ve done and the fact that my boyfriend lied about the whole thing. Problem is, things are getting so well between us now and bringing up the issue would risk another break up.
But the issue won’t stop ringing in my head. I need to hear the truth from him. And this will help me decide if I can really trust him again and if we can really continue our relationship and future plans. Because right now, I really doubt so.
Help?” - Y
Dear Y
The truth hurts. I’m sure you’ve heard of this saying before. How very true it is, isn’t it? Yet, we humans cannot not find out the truth, because to resist that is akin to resist the natural force of gravity. It is in us to see that we know the truth.
Like it or not, the cat has been let out of the bag and you cannot pretend not to see it. This instance has created a big knot in your heart which is making it heavier as days pass. You know as well as I do that you have to sort this conflict out if you still want to keep this relationship.
By doing so, you definitely risk facing a break up. So you have to ask yourself if staying in this relationship when your trust in him has begun to erode is going to work? If you know it won’t, then it’s only a matter of time that it will self-terminate as quarrels begin to surface more frequently due to your inability to trust him anymore. This is one of the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
When he does tell you the truth, how far are you willing to go to forgive him and forget about this entire incident? You have to know this answer well enough because this will determine how willing he is to divulge all the details which he was adamant at keeping from you in the first place.
So ask yourself what is the outcome you want to see for yourself and this relationship? Because you already know the truth, but you want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. If you don’t think you’ll be able to accept this deception, then how does knowing the truth from him make any difference?
And if you’re going to speak to your boyfriend about it, maybe you can also ask him the intention of not telling you the truth and his recent behaviour towards you and your relationship now. Hopefully this can gain him some brownie points and to help you to walk the path of forgiveness easier and smoother.
I wish you all the best Y. If at the end of the day, your aim is to keep the relationship and you need to work on forgiving him and rebuilidng your trust for him again, coaching will be a useful tool you can consider using. Let me know then and we’ll see what we can work out for you, ok?
Love, Kloudiia
Technorati Tags: cheating, infidelity, trust, rebuilding trust, dating and relationship, forgive and forget
