Is He Leading Me On?
“Kloudiia
Hi, I was just browsing around and found your website. Ii read your article about “Is it over?” and I found it very helpful although I knew all those facts anyway. But I was talking to this guy for about 9 months and he recently told me in the most horribbe way that he no longer loves me the same. It really hurt me but what was worse was that it seemed like it wasn’t a big deal to him.
Anyways he wanted to be friends and things to remain the same and I eventually agreed to it. A few weeks ago I saw him and later that night we spoke (btw he lives in another city) and he seemed to be his old self again we actually had a good conversation. And he hinted that his old feelings were returning but said that if he “said anything things would change” we rarely spoke after that and a few days ago he said “I love you, you’re so funny” and things haven’t been the same.
He doesn’t call anymore and always has an attitude. I’m trying my best to move on but he gives me mixed signs and hurts me so much. Please help I have no one else to talk to. Thanks” - S
Dear S
Clearly, you still haven’t gotten over this guy. Otherwise I bet you’ll give him the same antics and make him feel as miserable as you now. Or maybe not, and I’ll be proud of you if you didn’t.
How to get you out of this vicious cycle? Apparently if you have read my post “Are We Over?“, then you would have known that his behaviour can be found literally all over the article. He is there, isn’t he?
So what is it that you are still holding on to with the belief that this could actually be more than over?
Yes he hurt you. But aren’t you the one who is allowing him to hurt you more by granting him this permission? By attaching your emtions strongly to every word he says and every thing he does is equivalent to surrendering your power to him.
Talk is cheap. In this instance, talk is free. So while he doesn’t incur any liability by sprouting those “I love you” words loosely, you are actually classifying them as precious assets. And you aren’t even depreciating them over time!
I know you still like him and that’s why you are not prepared to give him up totally yet. What does it take for you to do that? A new relationship? Courage? Faith? Support? Or just a rude wake-up call?
How can you get all these resources for you to wipe him out from your love balance sheet and restore your bottom line back to seeing black instead of red? Think about this, and write down all the possible people you can go to, places you can visit, books you can read, advices you can seek or things you can do to take back your power and gain control of your emotions.
When you have done that, then you are ready to live your life with you as the centre and not him anymore.
All the best S. You can do it, you know? But you need to first want this freedom, otherwise even angels can’t save you from freaking out again when the next text message arrives with yet another amorous-and-noncommittal note.
Last but not least, from what I know, guys who are sincere in a committed relationships just, don’t, do all these, get it?
Love, Kloudiia
