I met my BF during college, he was the uncle of one of my close friends. Since then we start getting to know each other by means of communication; texting, calls, emails, letters and chatting. Later on, we both agreed to be committed in a sense of online relationship.. so he become my BF for couples of months only, I broke up with him because I don’t want to be totally attached knowing that this relationship is not for real I always feel incomplete. I start longing for the real one.. someone that I can be with, someone I can hug and kiss, I can feel and see in personal. But unfortunately were in different side of the world.. he couldn’t find time to see me and be together thats why I decided to break up with him. Beacause it doesnt work out, I feel so bored in our realtionship. The break up was really good, we still friends after all.
After college, we go in our separate ways.. he got jobs in our country, and I luckily got a job abroad.. we lost communication after months but its like destiny that we met again online.. he found me in a website.. we start communicating again and same old story happpened “history repeat itself as what they called it” but then this time around I wouldn’t allow him to be part of my life more than as friends. I haven’t given him chance although he ask for it. I went home in our country for vacation only. And since we’re friends I agreed to meet him, we spend time together. We go out of town for weeks in islands with friends and spends weekends together. He always insist whenever he got chance to tell me he want second chance for our relationship, he keep on telling me that he will make it up this time. I said “NO” we better off as fiends.
But something happend that I really don’t expect.. we had sex and after what happened we still seeing and communicating with each other more and more. Time flies to fast and I have to go back to work, before my flight we talk and make things clear. He wanted to continue the relationship. And so we did long distance relationship.. but as our relationship was on going I heard many things about him from our friends that he was a GAY. My friends told me to break up with him. Even before,the first time I met him, I heard that issue already. But I just ignore it because we having online relationship not that too serious and its not really big deal knowing that I’m too young that time. I’m not that bother that much, but now I’m really bothered because I notice that as well during the time I was in our country and we spend time together. But its like its hard for me to believe i don’t know what stopping me to break up with him this time knowing his a gay. I really don’t know what to do? How would I know if he is really gay? How would I know if he really loves me or just using me to hide his real identity.
This relationship, if it’s ever considered as one, sounds too complicated even for an adult, much less for a college student to be able to handle, really. In my opinion, you certainly don’t deserve to be in such a tricky situation.
There are more than one issue here that I can see, and the man’s sexual preference is just but one of them. The age gap is another issue. And he doesn’t seem to be mature in his thinking for someone his age. You didn’t mention how old he is, but since he’s the uncle of one of your classmates, I presume he’s a working adult while you’re still a college student. Hence in terms of knowing what he’s thinking and his real motives, you might have some degree of difficulty in reading his mind.
An online relationship sounds too far-fetched for anyone to be able to relate that to any form of connection between two people. And when he later found you again online, why is that considered as destiny when he knew too well there would be a high possibility of locating you on the “webosphere” (if I may invent this word) at this time and age when social networking sites are the norm for young people like you to make friends, to see and be seen? Gosh, even Barrack Obama can be found on Facebook. So, for your own sake, maybe you’d like to de-fantasize about this a little bit?
As at now, there are three things seeking your immediate attention. Let me put them in point form for your easy understanding:
1. Medical checkup. Since you’ve had sex with him, it’s advisable to go for a health checkup. I know this might sound ridiculous, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. If possible, get a girlfriend or your mom to accompany you to the doctor. I hope you had protection during sex.
2. Cut off ties. I know I shouldn’t sound imposing, however you know as well as I do how this situation is taxing you emotionally and mentally now. Does it really matter if he’s gay? How much do you know about this person to let him be part of your life in such an intimate way? How is his integrity like? His character? Is he an honest man? What good will come out from continuing this unclear relationship with him?
3. Get support. You need to have a support network at this time if you were to be committed to have a clean cut with this person and get him out of your life totally. Have you considered confiding this issue with someone close to you and you know you can count on at a time like this? I hope you share a good relationship with your mother, for she’s naturally the best choice a daughter can hope to have to help you tide through this period. Otherwise, maybe you can consider getting a therapist. Is there any volunteer group in your town that provides such a service to college students?
You said you don’t know what is stopping you from breaking up with him. This, to me, only means that you are planning to break up with him. If my deduction is correct, then I must applaud you for making this decision. What is left now is for you to have that courage and determination to see it through. I forsee you’ll need to have a steel will to want him out of your life for he may not let you go so easily. Are you willing to walk away from this situation and move on with your life afresh?
You know only you can decide how to live your life, not anyone else, don’t you?
I hope you sit down and reflect upon this issue. What has this sort of relationship brought you so far? List down the good and the bad. Take a good look at them and see what are the lessons you can learn.
If you need more help, please email me again.
I hope that you’ll have your life back in control again and I wish you all the best.