Moving On After My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me
“Kloudiia
My boyfriend has broken off with me. I kept thinking of how to get him to change his mind. I chanced upon your site and I know I need to move on but I find it so so tough.” - J
Dear J
Moving on after a break-up is not easy for certain people, especially for those who did not initiate to end the relationship. It sounds like you belong to this category.
You probably know this, but I’m going to say it anyway. In life, you can’t change another person. The only person you have control over and whom you can change is yourself. Therefore, how do you think you would be able to change his mind if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings anymore? Would it be more useful if you were to use those energy to focus on yourself instead?
What were you experiencing when you were thinking of how to change his mind about you and the relationship? Write your experience down on a piece of paper. This method can help you not only to release your pent-up emotions, it also helps to give you the true picture of current reality.
When you’ve finally faced up to reality that the break-up is real, is happening and is irreversible (whether or not you can patch back, the ball doesn’t seem to be in your court, so assume that it’s irreversible now), accept it and move on.
You have to move on regardless. You may like to read my blog post on 7 ways to deal with painful breakups.
I’m not sure if you and your ex would patch back eventually, however, that’s an unknown future and thus shouldn’t be mixed with your present status. If the patch-back happens, I would assume that it is because the issues that resulted in your first breakup were resolved and would never be a reason for conflict again. If it doesn’t happen, well, you know you still can be as happy, if not, even happier than before because of the postiive changes you’ve made to your life.
There are some people who engaged me to work with them on issues that they believed led to their breaking up with their partners so that they would not see the same pattern occuring in their future one. If you like to work on this as well as moving on, you can talk to me and we’ll see how our coaching programme can assist you in this aspect.
In the meantime, do yourself a huge favour. Get out of your home and indulge in a favourite activity. Just make yourself feel good. You cannot imagine how, at times, just feeling good can make such a huge difference to motivate you to take action in your life.
All the best to you J.
Love, Kloudiia
