LuvLifeCoach.com

“Kloudiia

Hi, I am only 18 but I have lost all my confidence in guys. I first started having my first relationship when I was 16 and that was my last. I never did trusted another guy after because I felt that all they were saying were flattering and all lies. My first relationship was like a breeze, it came a little too soon and gone with the wind even before anything much started. It lasted for only three months. But I was into what he said, stuffs like “I love you till the end of time and space”, ” For you are the brightest star, no other stars I therefore see.” Please help me to regain my trust and confidence in men.” - P

Dear P

Sweet 18! Many girls your age are fantasising about being swept off their feet by their prince charming, and my heart goes to you for having to carry on such a huge burden from your last relationship.

The reason you’ve lost the ability to trust men could be due to the fact that your first boyfriend “betrayed” the trust that you had unequivocally given to him. You were not prepared for such a fast exit when you’re barely warmed up enough to relish in the joy that a first love usually brings.

Well, trust is one of the pillars that support a relationship. Without it, a relationship will usually crumble in time as it wouldn’t be able to withstand the many trials that life will surely bring.

Regaining trust and confidence in men, though takes time, is certainly achievable. Firstly, you can start by knowing that the fact that your first boyfriend had left you doesn’t mean that all men would behave like he did. Else we wouldn’t have so many happy and lasting marriages in this world, would we?

Secondly, I would like you to have confidence in yourself. That’s right, be confident. You probably are experiencing fear that you’ll be lied to, and in the process, lost your courage and confidence to believe in your ability to gauage a person’s sincerity again. Hence, your negative reaction to all men could be a way of protecting yourself.

P, I’d like you to know that, when you are denying people who could be sincerely complimenting you, you are actually telling yourself that you do not deserve to be praised. Is this true? Surely, there must be some truth in those “flatters”, right?

Learning to trust people takes time. You can begin doing so in baby steps. Do you have any closer guy friends? How’s your relationship with them? Is it good? Have they been honest to you all this while, but you’ve just chosen to ignore it?

A relationship doesn’t depend on feelings only to make it work. In fact, if it does, then we’ll have many broken relationships before we know it. A relationship works because both parties are truly and totally committed to making it work, even when those feelings of being in love is gone. But, you may be still young to fully appreciate what is love in a committed relationship. So, just know that perhaps, your first boyfriend probably meant it at that point when he said he loves you and you’re the brightest star. His issue is probably that he didn’t expect his feelings to change so fast, and, neither did you.

Life offers us many great experiences along the way. Not all lessons are sweet. In fact, many of them are bitter, and often times, give us heartbreaks. But that only means that we’ll become stronger and be a better person who knows how to love and be loved.

You can choose to take that first relationship as a good experience and move on, or you can choose to let that bad experience haunt you and be an emotional baggage that is weighing you down.

It’s your choice, because it’s your life.

May you begin to experience the beauty that having faith and confidence in yourself brings. Trust will come along naturally, if only you trust that it will.

Love, Kloudiia