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“Kloudiia,

I need to get advice about a recent break up of twelve years. We have a son together and I love her so deeply. I am having deep remorse for not showing her the love that I should have. It’s been three months and I am still very heart broken.” - M

Dear M

It really sounds like you’re remorseful, which is probably what would be your main motivating force to save your relationship, would you agree?

If you already know that you haven’t been showing her the love that you should have, then it only means you know what you can do to make her feel loved. Or do you not? If not, how can you know? How much and what do you know about her during those past twelve years that you are together?

A relationship doesn’t break up overnight, more so when you two have started a family. There could be lots of unhappiness and resentment built up over the years, and you probably could start by looking at this area.

Maybe you would like to use this time to do a good and honest reflection over what could have possibly gone wrong that led to this result. Looking at this list, what are the things that you can change now?

Does your partner know how you are feeling now? Have you been communicating to each other? How is she reacting to you now?

I understand that you’re feeling very remorseful now, and you’re probably sitting there and beating yourself up. But it’s been three months, so what have you done so far? If you haven’t done anything that is pushing you towards the direction you want, then when is now the right time to start taking some real and concrete action?

Since you and your ex have been together for twelve years and have a son together, I assume that you’re both married and are now separated? Because if so, then we’re talking about divorce which would take some time and hence hopefully give you some opportunities to make changes.

You are both connected to each other by your son. So, there might still be a chance that you can still patch back with your partner. But you need to act now.

It would be good if you can bring this up with a professional to walk this path with you together. Let me know if you’d like to find out more about our coaching programme and maybe we can work this out by emailing me.

All the best to you M, and I wish that your family can be back together in love and happiness once more.

Love, Kloudiia