The Attractive 21 Year Old Single
July 2nd, 2010 at 11:30am |
“Dear Kloudiia,
I’m 21 and haven’t had a boyfriend yet. I get attention from men on dating sites, but they usually just chat me up and don’t date me, or are creeps I don’t want to date. I’ve only been on 5 dates my whole life… I’ve been told Im attractive and I get stares from guys sometimes, but I don’t think its enough. What do I do?” - Confused
Dear Confused
My, you’re only 21! Is there any special reason making you feel that if you don’t have a boyfriend at this age, you’re not good enough? If there are, why don’t you list all of them down and spend at least two to five minutes, or as long as it requires, to really think through each of them. How valid are they that you’re allowing them to affect your life in this manner? Is it due to peer pressure? Or because you’re attractive so everyone expects you to be dating someone?
As the song goes, you can’t hurry love. Really. If you force yourself to jump onto a fast track, I’m concerned that you might get yourself into some situation where you’re either not ready for, or not suitable for.
I’m glad you don’t want to date creeps, though I can’t say I’m fully clear of the kind of person you shove under this category. But at least it shows that you’re watching out for signs that pre-warn you of a person’s character, which is very important before you decide to bring the online friendship a step further into the offline world. So, continue to use your wise discernment and choose carefully. It’ll do you good, I believe.
Take this easy. Let it move at a natural pace. Be open to making friends, and if this person is really someone you enjoy speaking to and probably share similar values with, then what’s stopping you from asking him out for a coffee? Make it casual.
You may also like to check with your close friends, or family members-whoever you are close with-and give you feedback on your personality and your interaction with people too. Do you come across as cold and distant? Or are you warm and easy to talk to? How’s your tonality like usually? All these things may seem trivial, but that will go into the entire package of being attractive. Though physical looks are important, so is personality.
Lastly, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry that much about it yet, because you’re really still very, very young. At the same time, it’s always good to learn more about relationships, to know what it is all about to allow a man into your world, and how you cope with that. How do you sustain a relationship? It’s always good to start preparing yourself, so when the right man comes along, you’ll appreciate that you are all ready.
If you haven’t read my book, you can consider getting one to know how to have a loving and lasting relationship.
All the best to you!
Love, Kloudiia
Posted in Q&A: Dating & Courtships, Q&A: Singles
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