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"Good day to you Kloudiia. Just call me F. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years now and it’s a long distance relationship. During this year there was a time that we broke up for almost a year but still ended up together. We see each other once a year. She broke up with me. I asked her what the reason are, and she kept on telling me this and that and I found out from her mom that she was so frustrated because she expected me to propose to her this year. 

Before this happened and before she left I talked to her and told her that I’ll be proposing to her next year and after the engagement we can have a civil or church wedding if she wants. I told her my plans. And now she broke up with me and she keeps on telling me to let go of her cos I’m not giving up on her because I love her. I just don’t know what to do right now on how to have her back. She told me that she likes someone else but I don’t believe in it coz she is just telling that so that I can let go of her coz that’s the same thing she told me before when we broke up. Please help me. I want to save this relationship. I love her and she is my life." - F

Dear F

I hope I didn't get you wrong. Your ex-girlfriend broke up with you because you didn't propose to her, the reason and plan which you've already given to her prior to that. So, is that really the cause for the breakup? 

Why are you doubting her words that she likes someone now? Do you have evidence that she's lying or just using this as a ploy? Even if it's a ploy, what's her main intention? 

A relationship breaks up for many reasons, some can be totally incomprehensible even to the party involved. You may like to recall on the period before she threw in the towel. Was there any difference in her attitude and the way she was communicating to you? Was she still showing you care and concern like she used to? Did she say "I love you" to you? Was she hesitant in responding to your emails, or when speaking to you? What do you notice about her that, on hindsight, would have given you some clues to her change of heart and mind in this relationship? 

It takes two to tango. Maybe before you do anything to win her back, you can check if she really likes someone else, and not just brush it aside? I hope you're not doing this because of denial. 

If there isn't someone else, then find out what's the real reason for the breakup (and it happened twice?). If you aren't convinced by the one that's been given, then it's either you have to get the truth from her, or you have lots of reflection and recollection to do. When was the first time you noticed some changes in her attitude and behaviour towards you? What events had taken place before that? Did she mention anything that she found disturbing to you? How did you address those, or did you not address them at all? 

These are just some questions that hopefully will help you in your own reflection. 

Don't just broadly assume that just because you have broken up and patched back before means that this break up isn't for real.  Were the problems that led to that breakup solved, or did they recur again after you patched back? How did you get together again? 

I'm not sure if you still are separated physically from her. If so, I really like to ask, why so long? If it's for studies, then you should have finished in 4 years' time. If it's for work, then why aren't you two making plans to move to live in the same city? Was she waiting for you to have some concrete plans and do something about this, and when she has waited long enough, she decided to leave? I'm just guessing, you would know better. 

Lastly, if she's really the girl whom you love so much and want to have as your wife, then you'll have to show her through not just your words, but your actions that she means that much to you as you say. And, be patient. 

All the best to you F.

Love, Kloudiia