Stuart and I were in an exact same position. Though for only one minute, it said something about us. And this something, is in my opinion, what every single is looking for in a date – chemistry.

It has always been my stand that chemistry is not the heart-beating feeling you get when you meet someone on the first date, but something that is developed through time. This feeling is more of attraction than chemistry. 

Chemistry is that unspoken tact you share with a person. If the bond you have with another person is the channel that connects both of you, then chemistry is the fluid that flows interchangeably between the two of you. This fluid carries emotions and thoughts from one person to another, making them in tune and in sync with each other.

How do we build chemistry? If according to those people who insist that chemistry is that heart-beating feeling or that “you’ll know it when you first see the person” mentality, then chemistry is not something that is built over time, but is something that you either have it, or you don’t.

But what these people fail to realise is when you think you have chemistry with this person whom you just met, you are actually in rapport with him/her. If this person is skilled at building rapport with people, then chances are almost everyone will feel that they have chemistry with him! But that doesn’t necessarily mean these people know what he’s thinking of if he doesn’t say it out. However, someone who really has chemistry with him would most probably guess what is going on in his mind at a certain time.

When someone is attracted to another person, they experience some chemical reactions in their brains. Our brains emit this chemical – dopamine – that gives you pleasure and make you happy. And that is chemistry! But this is derived from another component – attraction. You feel this chemistry because you’re attracted to this person. Furthermore, if he/she builds rapport with you within the first 5 minutes, you’ll then feel as if you’ve known him/her for half a century. Again, you attribute this to chemistry. In actual fact, it is attraction plus good rapport, and these don’t add up to be known as chemistry (though it’s a great start to developing excellent chemistry!).

So the next time when you go on a date and you don’t feel anything special going on, do not brush the person off with that same, old reason - ”no chemistry”. Give each other a second chance to meet up again and find out more. Who knows, the chemistry might begin to develop once you’ve hit a common ground.

But if you are insistent that nothing good will come out of the dates, then at least do yourself a favour by admitting that your date isn’t attractive enough to live up to your expectations. In this way you make progress by knowing that you have a certain standard to measure up to with regards to physical outlook. And being able to know and acknowledge this is already taking a step ahead in your search for that special someone! At least now you know the reason why you guys have “no chemistry”, right?

On another note, if you and your date have absolutely nothing much in common, can’t hold a conversation decently for more than 5 minutes or one of you displays a certain behaviour that just about hit the alarm button of the other party, then I’d say, yes, move on to another person.

And when you meet someone with whom you feel you can instantly click with, congratulations! However, do not forget to still find out more about this person, because he/she may just be an expert in rapport-building and is probably very attractive who makes you feel good but may not be the right one for you after all.

And if you’re wondering if you can learn how to build rapport with anyone at anytime, the good news is – yes, you can. In fact, anyone can! And this is one of the things that I teach in my programmes and seminars as well.

They were classmates in a part-time degree course. Both of them were holding day time jobs, and she was one of the more popular girls in class. To get near her, he went all out to be there for her when she needed help. When he knew she had an intention to quit school because of the exhausting schedule juggling work and school, he bought a car and started ferrying her from office to school and home after that. As a result, he eliminated all competition because he would be the one to have dinner with her before school and sending her home. For this, she continued with her studies and they got married.

What can we learn from the two cases above?

When we set goals, we need to have a strategy on how to achieve them. However many times, we are conscientious on devising strategies to accomplish monetary and career goals, but when it comes to matters of the heart, they feel that having a strategy means setting up a trap for the other person.

I really beg to differ, for it is my belief that as with anything in life, it requires a strategy. The first plan may not work out, but we’ll definitely learn some lessons and use them to fine-tune our strategy. 

Did those two guys trick the girls to be their girlfriends or even wife? No, but they did know of the best way to get close to them and constantly remain at the top of the girl’s mind. The love and sincerity is genuine, and this, is precisely the reason why having a strategy to go after a girl (or even guy) is not considered a devious trap.

However, if a guy intends to go after a girl for immoral reasons, then regardless if he has a strategy or not, his intentions are not pure to begin with.

If you’re keen to find out more about powerful strategies to make the person you’re attracted to fall in love with you, you may like to submit your name by clicking here. When the seminar is finalised, you’ll be the first to be notified.

Use a strategy and get your goals!

All of a sudden, the music stops. The silence is deadening, and the drastic change brings you back to reality in a sharp way.

You realise one missing piece from the whole jigsaw – you don’t know how to show your interest for her!

I remember this guy friend who is very chatty and loves flirting around with girls, until one time when I saw him humming and hawing in the presence of a girl. I was shocked and bewildered. Of course, I didn’t hide my shock from him. My look said it all.

I remember asking him: “Why are you so tongue-tied with that girl? Don’t tell me you – like – her?” “How did you know? You mean it’s very obvious?” he asked. “Well, yeah, you are not yourself anymore! So it’s either you like her or she likes you and you don’t! Ha ha… oh, I didn’t know you would have this day too! Ha ha ha …”

I didn’t mean to be so mean, really, but I couldn’t leave him without taking a jab at him. He growled at me, and asked: “So, do you have any tips for me? How do you find her?” 

Okay, we were both in junior college then, and I knew him from secondary school days. He has a glib tongue; everyone knows and can attest to this “virtue”. However, in the presence of his “goddess” as he called her, he went jelly. 

I gave him some tips, and I hope he find it useful. Fast forward to twenty years later (man, time flies!), maybe these tips will still come in handy for guys who still have their hair-standing, heart-stopping moments when coming face to face with their goddess, princess or simply, their girl of their dreams. 

It that’s you, then read on …

5 Tips To Show Your Interest For Her (without saying “I like you” to her)

1. Speak with your eyes. Look into her eyes for a full minute, if you can. Otherwise, 30 seconds is good enough too. No blinking, just pure gazing into her eyes. But please, do not stare at her as if you’re about to eat her up. Gaze at her as if you’re saying “You’re so beautiful” with your eyes.

2. Speak with your hands. Guide her along when you’re walking. Offer to help her with any heavy stuff she’s carrying. Block any “danger materials” that are flying towards her. Girls are very drawn to strong arms, so show off your strength!

3. Speak with your heart. Do you know how to give a good compliment? There are 3 easy steps to follow: 1 – Notice the one thing you like to compliment, e.g. her beautiful eyes. 2 – Tell her how her eyes make her light up and stand out among the crowd. 3 – Ask her a question. In this case, ask her if anyone has told her how lovely her eyes are? In order for these 3 steps to work, there is a critical pre-requisite: You are really sincere about it. That’s what I mean by “speaking with your heart”. A false compliment will only sound as it – fake and manipulative. Girls won’t fall for it.

4. Speak with your action. Action speaks louder than words! Show your interest by showing interest in all she says, what she does and what she likes. Then manifest it through little action like helping her to order her favourite drink and reminding the waiter the way she likes it: less sugar and no ice, for example.

5. Speak through your friends. It’s time to leverage on your network of friends. Express your admiration for this girl to friends who know her friends too. It’s just a matter of time that she gets wind of this guy’s crush on her. When you next brush shoulder with her, remember to smile and do Tip #1 immediately!

See, you don’t have to say “I like you” if that makes you go weak in your knees and threaten to put you in a temporary shock. Of course, it is undeniable that that would be the fastest way to show your interest to the girl. But, you may like to take comfort to know that, while that is the fastest, not all girls take to that! As the saying goes, different strokes for different folks!

Buying gifts for your loved one is an almost sure-hit romantic trick to make him/her fall to their knees. Similarly, launching a surprise move or act on your partner will give them immense pleasure as well. Like throwing an unexpected birthday party with a theme of his fantasy or hobby would surely go way down in his memory.

However, after a period of sneaking around preparing for this big moment, you might get a rude ‘surprise’ from your partner when you see the look of shock on their face when you shout “Surprise! Surprise!” You know well enough that that look wasn’t one of excitement.

Before you begin to feel depressed that you have failed as a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife terribly, take heart to know that you are, usually, not alone.

So how to surprise your loved one correctly so that they will receive it in exactly the intended form you planned for them – a sweet, nice, pleasant surprise?

The key is this – knowing them well.

Yes, you have to know your partner extremely well in order to make the right guess what they are wishing for in their hearts. How to know them really well? Use these 3 tips:

1. Listen – they may have casually mentioned about that wish, that unfulfilled dream or simply that iPhone they have eyed so long and is aching to have one. Or, they may be telling friends about how excited they’ll be if they can celebrate their wedding anniversary at Christmas Island. Get it?

2. Observe – pay close attention to your partner. Does his eyes light up when you mention F1? Does she clutch your hand tightly when she passes by the Korean popstar Rain?

3. Ask – when in doubt, always ask. Of course, you can practise lots of tact when asking so you won’t let the cat out of the bag. But at least you are sure that you are on the right track. 

Remember, pay attention to all the details, even down to the favourite colour for that particular item of your surprise. For example, she may love burning red roses but abhor blazing red pants. He may relish blue walls and shirts but squirm at blue suede shoes.

Lastly, if your surprise didn’t turn out to be the real deal, take that as feedback and make it a better one next time! As for you, if your partner meant to give you a surprise but somewhere alone the line messed it up a little, remind yourself that it’s the action, the love and the effort that truly counts.

I know, it can be a tad disappointing to see that you are not getting a white instead of blue because it is a telling sign on how much your partner actually knows you. Yes guys, ladies do use this as a way to gauge how much your love for them is, because by a woman’s standard, if you love her very much, you will know her very well.

But to all of you disappointed recipients of surprises, please, brush this aside and tell your partners sweetly that you appreciate their efforts. You do, don’t you? So focus on the thanks, and the rest will take care of itself.

Your mum is right – if you are still a three year old. Or anything less than the legal age required to buy a pack of cigarettes, or watch a R(A) movie.

Now, Kloudiia says you have to talk to strangers! In fact, you need to learn how to strike up a nice and easy conversation with a stranger so that you will leave a deep and lasting impression when you part ways. And the more strangers you talk to, the more at ease you will be when you ultimately meet the one. Yes, the one who will make your heart race and your body temperature to shoot up.

If you never learn how to talk to a stranger, how are you going to master the art of dating? Isn’t dating supposed to be meeting strangers and getting to know them before you decide if they are worth investing more time to explore if they fit into the long-term partner criteria?

Unless of course, you only allow yourself to talk to someone who is a friend of your friend as technically speaking, this person isn’t that totally foreign to you. In this case, you’re stuck with only one avenue of meeting potential partners – blind dates arranged by people you know. This already shrinks down your circle, because you can only cast your net this wide.

If there is any bit of the old adage of “Never talk to strangers” that still holds true and relevant in one’s single adulthood, it would be one additional piece of wisdom – “Never talk to suspicious strangers”.

If your intutition tells you that something could be wrong with this person you are facing, listen and trust your gut feeling. Run for your life! Remember to take along your bag and call your mom! (Alright, I’m joking about calling your mom, but I’m serious about running)

Otherwise, if this clean-shaven, tidily dressed and courteous gentleman walks up to you and chats you up, answer back! Or if this pleasant-looking lady is giving you a smile from across the table, smile back and maybe, walk over to say hi.

There is nothing wrong to talk to a stranger. In fact, there is everything wrong if you start behaving like some paraniod 3-year-old kid who fears that this person who could be remotely interested in you is actually coming after your money or body, or both, then it’s time to take out that pair of scissors. Cut off the apron strings from your mom now!

You are an adult, and please use your own better judgement to discern if this stranger is someone worth strking up a conversation with and getting to know him/her better for the sake of your future happiness.

When you are comfortable in knowing that it’s perfectly alright and fine to speak to a stranger, then you can pick up the skills to artfully know the right things to say at the right time to create the magic effect.

So, start to be watchful of your surroundings. You never know when Mr or Miss Gorgeous will be just around the corner, waiting for you to be spoken to.

[tags]striking a conversation, talking to strangers, meeting new people, dating, singles, making first appraoch, how to talk to stranger[tags]

If reel life is a reflection in real life, minus the drama part, then we can expect to see some of these action developing in our surroundings and we can learn some lessons from it.

How to go from long time friends to lovers? It seems like the challenge is about crossing that fine line. Friendship could be at stake here, and that’s why anyone who is making this attempt has to tread very carefully.

I just attended the wedding of this couple who have been good friends for more than 10 years. The platonic relationship saw the guy giving the gal support whenever she needed help. She treated him much better than any ordinary guy friend too, but sparks just didn’t flew between them. In fact, during the times when she was fell in and out of love, he was always there to hear the stories and lend her his shoulder.

It wasn’t until something happened in her family and he was still the one who was there all the time that they both realised that maybe, the relationship could be brought to another level after all. Maybe love has already crept in without them knowing. 

What can we learn from this couple? Several things, like

1. What’s impossible then might be possible now.

Circumstances change. People change. So what used to be impossible then may take some unexpected development. As we mature, our criteria for a marriage partner will definitely be different due to the dating and relationship experiences we accumulated over time. Hence, what didn’t fit then may just be the ones that will gel now.

Why is this important to know? Because it squashes the belief that if things can happen, it would have happened long ago, and if you are still platonic friends after 10 years, then you will continue to be for the next 10 to 20 years.

Fact is, you never know what is in store in the future.

2. Care and concern.

What can beat geunine care and concern for your friend? Even the coldest heart can be melted when you continuosly show that his/her interests are also yours each and every time. That’s what the guy did and eventually, even though the girl didn’t think it was possible between them at first due to the absense of “love sparks”, she thought twice when he stuck around caring and supporting her at a time of crisis.

3. The mystery of chemistry.

This is the reason that gives rise to the belief that if things will happen, it will happen long ago. Well, chemistry doesn’t equal attraction. Of course the latter helps to speed things up but it is not to be mistaken as chemistry.

Chemistry is a process. It’s a voyage, and it is developed as people get to know each other better. You begin to feel that the air is different when he suddenly completes your sentences. Your thinking frequency becomes in line and you share the same outlook towards life in general. That is chemistry. Do you get it at first sight? Rarely.

But you do get “electrocuted” at first sight. That’s the heart-thumping feeling you get when you first see the person. This is attraction. When one is attracted to another, our body finds pleasure in the company of this person. Naturally, you will feel good, and this feeling good is what many mistake as chemistry!

For this couple, after 10 years of friendship and almost 2 years of dating and courtship, they have more chemistry than the couple on the street with only 2 months of hot, sizzling passion between them.

3 lessons that refute the 3 myths people have about long-term friendships turning into romantic relationships. What can you learn from them and how can you apply to your own case, if you are caught in such a situation too?

[tags]dating & relationship, love and marriage, platonic friendships, long term friendship, secret admiring, unrequited love[/tags]