Good day to you. Came across your website while surfing the net. Tried to send in my message through your website but was bounced back??

I was reading your article on ’10 signs that he likes you’ and trying to recall if this guy that I met for the first time did what you mentioned.

He didn’t initiate the second date till today (it’s been a week plus since the first date) but occasionally when we meet online i.e. MSN, he will initiate the conversation, for a brief one and then log out to do his revision (he has a very important exam in September and kinda stressed up with that). Most of the time due to the quick conversation, we hardly chat things deeply but just a very casual one like ‘how’s day’..

So, my problem now is..I have a good impression on him, and wish to know how he feels about me, as from what I see now, he doesn’t seem to show more interest of knowing me. So, do you think I should do something to find out how he feels or just let it be (or at least wait after his exam)?? If you think I should find out, what do you think that I can do??

Is it true that girls should never initiate any date with guys as they will be turned off by that??

Hope to hear from you soon.” - YW

Dear YW

Ok, read this article ”Love Advice: 7 Tips & Strategies To Woo A Man Secretly” first if you haven’t done so already. Though the situation there may differ slightly from yours, have a grasp on the concept I shared in there and you’ll be in a better position when you need to come up with your strategy.

For now, let’s decipher his actions and see if we can find any clue to the answer in his heart. He has asked you on a second date. So that means he finds you good company. Though too soon to tell if that fondness can be further developed, at least one fact stands – you’re still in the game.

His lukewarm conversations on MSN could either be his character or as you’ve said, he needs to revise for an important exam. There are some people in this world who don’t relish chatting with someone and baring their hearts out while staring at a computer screen. They might be more interpersonal, and so MSN is only for very casual hi’s and bye’s.

Don’t read too much into his virtual habits. One thing you can take heart is he seems to always initiate a conversation with you. So this is a piece of good news. Even if he says hi to perhaps a hundred more girls at the same time is something we don’t know and won’t waste time in guessing. At least for this moment, these signs still look promising enough to pursue.

You know what, you have said something rather significant. I’m not sure if you know how important it is or not. You don’t really know him that well, do you? Since you guys hardly have any reasonable amount of time to chat about something deeper.

Do you think it matters to know him well enough before you decide if you should take further action? If you think it matters, then how about giving yourself some time now, while he is busy with exams, to list down what are the stuff you deem important to know. So that when the time comes, you are well-prepared.

If you are anxious now to see how high your chances are and unwilling to wait till exams are over, maybe you can engage him in some harmless flirting and banter. Not only can it help him to relax in the midst of tense studying, he may like to chat with you more! In the course of doing so, you’ve established yourself one place higher up in his heart.  

I’ll share this trick with you. During any conversation, when he mentions something or do something you find endearing, don’t let the golden opportunity slip by. Casually say things like “Oh that is so sweet/cool/smart/ingenious. This is what I’d look for in a partner,” and watch his reaction. If he’s also into you, he’ll probably return this favour.

I need to put a disclaimer here: Guys if you have read this and the next time a gal does this, please don’t embarrass her by asking her “Are you hinting to me you like me?” ok? Spare her the blush and react accordingly. She’ll be glad even if you don’t reciprocate her feelings.

To reply your last question, it’s alright now to let a guy knows how you feel towards him. He will only run for his life if you bite onto his tail and refuse to let go unless he returns your affection. There are ways for a woman to show her interest and in turn leads the guy into doing the chasing after all. *wink*

Last but not least, I’d encourge you to register to be in my mailing list. You might be interested in an upcoming seminar that you won’t want to miss out.

All the best to you YW.

Love, Kloudiia 

I had this crush on a guy whom I met about 2.5 yrs ago through a social event. He was 8 years younger than me.. 26 yrs old. He graduated from uni last year, now studying post grad course.

I know its not right for me to even think about it, but I just can’t help it. He’s mature, polite and charismatic. Have never told him my feeling, we are just mutual friends all these while. What should I do?

I know I should get on with my life and let it go.. but I can’t help thinking of him. I even thought of telling him, maybe jokingly over msn to test his response.. but I just don’t have the guts to do it. Its really torturing… I guess I’m afraid of losing him even as a friend after telling him.

Pls tell me what I should do… thks.” - J

Dear J

I can understand how torn you must be feeling now. 

You’re right – you should get on with your life. But whether or not to let him go is another matter altogether.

You mentioned it is a crush. So are you only overwhelmed with all his strengths like maturity and charisma (sounds like he’s a good catch so I’m sure many girls will easily have a crush on him!)? How well do you know him? His values, life principles, goals, hobbies, lifestyle and his character. Do they meet your criteria for a partner? How well do they fit or misfit with yours?

I hope you are not digging your own hole and burying your head in it by being blind to all the realistic aspects of a person. If you are sure that it is more than just a crush, perhaps even close to love, then it is decision-making time.

You realise you have two choices, don’t you?

One – to let him know how you feel and get on with your life.

Two – to let him go without ever letting him know your feelings, and hence you won’t know how he feels towards you too, and get on with your life.

The second choice is the most straight-forward. No risk, no gain. But you probably have to deal with licking your “wound” for some time until the pain goes away. There is also a possibility that you might regret later on your non-action, and wonder what if you did tell him.

Is this the best option you can choose?

The first option means you have to take some risk, and whether there is a 50/50 chance that you might get your way depends on the type of relationship you have with him now.

Does he treat you the same as all his other gal friends? Has he ever paid special attention to some things you said or done? Has he cared or shown concern for you in a more attentive way? Did both of you go on single “dates” before? Who initiated that and how did it go?

Regardless of which choice you make, be aware of what you will be taking away from each option and how happy you will be with that.

Lastly, why do you feel it’s not right for you to like him? Is he married? Engaged? Or is he already in a very close relationship with another girl? Because other than these reasons, I don’t see why it is wrong for you to like him!

All the best to you J.

Love, Kloudiia

P.S: You might like to read this post I wrote earlier on for some useful tips and reference – “Dating A Younger Man”.

[tags]courtship, unrequited love, secret admirer, crush, secretly in love with a man, love younger man, how to confess love[/tags]

1) I am 30 years old single and would like to find out how I can improve my social skills and enlarge my social circle despite long hours at work, and how to remain optimistic that its not too late at my age to find the right guy?

2) Should we have some idea about the type of guy that suits us and know what we want in a future partner so as to prevent wasting of time or should we keep our mind open and get to know people even though they may not look or seem to be the type we like ?

3) Do you believe that when we are destined to cross path with the guy of our life, things will happen at the right time and place and we should not be too focused on finding love, as the more we search the more it may elude us?

4) Hope you dont mind a personal question, but no obligation to answer if you prefer to have it remain confidential May I know how did you come to know you have this “calling” and passion about being a relationship coach and could you share how you knew your husband is the one for you, was there that right feeling and just knew he’s the one?” - A

Dear A

You are very organised, as I can see. So let me reply you in the same fashion, ok?

1. Remain positive and stay optimistic you shall A! I was still a swinging single, very busy and focused on my career at that age too! But never for a second did I doubted that I won’t find my Mr. Right as I held the firm belief that I would definitely meet him. At the same time, do not hasten to settle for any other guy just because you have reached 30. Therefore, what you can do is to continue to believe and maybe you can start visualising your future partner too. Who knows what the Law of Attraction will bring you when you set your sights firm on marriagehood?

What specifically about your social skills you want to improve on? Pinpoint them and seek help from books, seminars or from friends whom you know are good in those areas you are weak at. Coaching is another alternative you can consider.

As for your busy work life, maybe setting priorities can open you to more options? How have you managed your free time? What kind of changes or activities will you squeeze in to spice up your social life? How important is sprucing up your personal life? If it is very important, and it is a must for you to return to the dating scene, then I trust that you will know what decision to make when the options are laid out. 

2. A woman tends to panic more only when having children is in her cards, and she realises her biological clock is ticking. If you have this baby dream too, then you need to be more selective. But before you start deleting guys off your potential partner’s list, you have to know yourself well enough to determine what type of man suit you.

Do you know what type of men make your knees go weak? And do such guys match up to the more realistic side like stability, honesty, integrity and security as what most women look for when looking for a future marriage partner?

You see, many times we may have to forgo quite a bit of our wishes. That is why a man who suits you may not be the one who makes you go jelly at first sight, but that doesn’t mean chemistry won’t be built up over time, does it?

If now you are pretty clueless on the type of man who suits you, then the only way to find out is to date any guy that comes along the way. And with each one, observe what makes your heart skip a beat and what makes you want to leave right away. Come up with your own list and very soon, the answer will surface. Even if you aren’t attracted in any way to a guy, give him a chance to have a decent meal together, because you will never know how high inner substance ranks in your list with regards to physical looks unless you test it out.

3. I believe that Cupid may bring two strangers together to meet for the first time, but the rest is up to human action. Even when they are married, more efforts and harder work need to be done to maintain a marriage healthy. Relationships that last aren’t products of luck, or fate or destiny. It is the result of plenty of understanding, compromising, patience, tolerance, love and communication between two committed people.

Love won’t drop on your laps if you don’t put yourself out into the market and be seen. For fate to help us, one needs to help oneself first. Do you agree?

4. I come from a divorced family and hence I went through a certain amount of pain and distrust for men and relationships myself. But I walked through that period and I like to be able to do the same for those who want to have a partner.

As for my hubby, well, to put it this way. Though there is this feeling that tells me he most probably is “the one”, nevertheless I don’t leave things to chance by depending fully on my feeling. I checked if we are compatible or not before I finally say “I do” in church.

A, at your age I believe you will know what you want better than if you were at 25. Therefore, celebrate your maturity and not let it come in your way. Believe that you are the best and you deserve the best, than you will get it.

All the best to you

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]singles, dating, relationship, busy executives, marriage partner, is he the one[/tags]

Hi there, well, I’m texting this message because I love a girl, but the problem is she has got a boyfriend, I’m 17, she is 16 and her boyfriend is 24, she met him through the internet, she never showed him to us and she never speaks about him, they’re together for 8 months, and since they’re together she gets mad easily and more than it’s often, and a lot of things in her changed…

Every friend of mine told me “you deserve better”, she met this guy through an online game and met him alone, only by herself (very dangerous). She has been losing part of her friends due to her attitude and she doesn’t hear our opinions and just does whatever she wants…

Do I deserve better? Should I still try something with her? Or should I pass and get someone who really deserves me?

PS: the guy is a total freak, the kind of guy who is a total nerd and never got no one and now he just met a girl through the net and and is her boyfriend since he can’t get no one of his age

PS2: the guy hasn’t got many friends

PS3: some of my friends hate him, because in msn he sad bad things to them

PS4: she just sees the guy twice a week, if she is lucky” - C

Dear C

Well it looks like the ball isn’t in your court, if there is a game after all. You are secretly (or not?) in love with this girl who is attached. Whether or not she is happy with this guy isn’t within your control, and until and unless she decides to call it quits, I guess you can only stand at the sidebench and be a spectator.

In the current state that she is in, she doesn’t look like she is open to anyone. So, what is it that you would like to do to break this barrier of entry? Have you done that already?

I can’t answer the question whether you deserve someone better, because we can’t really compare this girl with someone else and decide who scores more, right? But I’d put my hands up that you should find someone who is more compatible with you. Is this girl suitable for you? Do you know enough about her to conclude if she fits in with your lifestyle, values and perspectives on life and relationships?

Now, forget about her boyfriend and focus on yourself C. What type of relationship and girlfriend do you want? Be clear on this and you will know where you stand. Then, coming up with options and making a decision will be much more a breeze than now.

Lastly, you certainly deserve the best you can have. The best not necessarily means she is the best in all aspects, but the best in terms of compatbility in important areas that will make or break a relationship.

All the best to you!

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]teenage love, puppy love, infatuation, girlfriend, dating & courtship, relationships[/tags]

Hi, I am currently an NSF still serving my NS (National Service). Due to my quiet character, I have not made many female friends. Thus, leading to me still being single. I would like to ask you what should I do so that I can make more female friends?” - K

Dear K

Before I tell you what you should do, I’d like to ask you to ask yourself this:

What have you done so far to make more female friends?

Of those things that you’ve done and efforts you made, what worked and what didn’t? Why they work, and why they didn’t?

There are a thousand and one ways to widen your social circle and make more friends of the opposite gender. But you have to know yourself well enough to know which method suits you the best and will produce the maximum results for you. Hence, I hope the above exercise will help to bring clarity to you in this aspect.

Now, what can you do? Here are some suggestions and pointers you can consider:

1. Friend’s girlfriends. They can be a good source for you to meet ladies, especially if you are the shy type who dare not approach girls in public. Meet your friends’ girlfriends and if you like their character, chances are their best girlfriends would be pretty close to your liking as well. Get them to recommend! Go out as a group and develop friendships naturally.
2. Have an open mind. Do not constrain yourself that you will only befriend girls who fall within your pre-set parameters. Now is not the time to decide on your future partner, but to really be in the thick of things and enjoy bubbling friendships. Learn how to communicate with the opposite sex, what they are thinking of, what they want.
3. Expand your existing base. Before lunging into the foreign worlds, why not tap onto your existing treasures? You said you do not have many female friends, that means you do have a few, right? What is the best way to find out how and where to make more female friends than from the same elusive group of human? Pick up your phone and check with your current gal friends now.
4. Be daring. Hey, you are in NS now! Our country needs bravery from you, and your social life needs the same thing from you too! Pluck up your courage and make that first step. Tell yourself that you are only making friends, and not asking her to be your girlfriend. If you have issues on your confidence, we can work on that separately. (Since you have a quiet nature, maybe this post can give you an idea on how to start)
5. Go online! At the rate of internet penetration into our society, there is no way we can sideline this option of going online to foster friendships. Social sites like Facebook and Friendster are good avenues to start with. Be genuine and sincere as there could be many guys who are out to “fish”. You can also join some forums and be active there. I understand that forum members do organise outings every now and then. In this way, you not only get to meet those female members you have been chatting online with, you are really going out to socialise and not hard core dating.

K, as I’ve said, whether any one method works depends on you. It’s good to tune your mindset to that of meeting people and socialising rather than dating and choosing a partner to begin with. This not only reduces unnecessary stress you could be adding onto yourself, it also means you have a higher chance of making an approach successful.

Good luck to you and may you enjoy this new journey of yours!

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]widen social circle, how to meet girls, finding girlfriend, dating & courtship, singles[/tags]

It just occurred to me that I want to have children and a family. However the problem is I’m a single 30 year old woman who never dated and is absolutely clueless about love and relationships. Too independent for my own good this has not made me the most approachable female. In short I have no idea how to start dating. Any advise given is most appreciated.” - P

Dear P

Over dinner the night before, I exclaimed this “30 is the new prime for women!”. And I truly mean it then.

Women in their 30s are so much more confident and clear in their directions than when they were in their 20s. I believe that you are too, not only in terms of career management but also in life wisdom. So it’s better late than never! I’m so excited that you are now ready to challenge the realm of dating! Are you?

You’re most probably right that being too independent doesn’t make you the most approachable female. But that doesn’t mean you should undermine what could be one of the greatest strength of yours.

The most important thing to seeking a potential mate is to know who you are in the capacity as a person and a partner. Then you need to list down traits that will make you two compatible. Make use of your life experiences to come up with two list – one for yourself and one for the one you are looking for.

Then you can start using that to date men. As to how you should behave in dates, you can read this article I wrote – “10 First Date No-Nos“ as a starter.

Compatibility – that’s the key. It’s not going to make you happy if you were to follow the crowd and nab the most eligible bachelor if this man isn’t going to complement your weakness and embrace your strength.

Here are 5 tips that will help you to start dating at the age of 30:

1. Have an open mind. Do not discount anyone at first sight. You never know what’s inside a person until you give each other a chance to discover.
2. Develop conversation. I know this can be a pretty hard one. But always bear in mind to engage the other person in a meaningful conversation so that you will know what their values are, and how compatible he can be with you. I coach clients on the art to starting a conversation with anyone too, if you are keen.
3. Broadcast. Tell your friends that you are now ready to date and ask them to introduce people to you. Have your list ready so that you can run them through which are the most important traits you are looking for. Don’t be greedy and expect a man to score perfect 10. Always have the top 3 ones on hand.
4. Mindset. Just tell yourself to have a good time and meet someone new. Do not give yourself undue pressure that you are looking for a husband, but rather you are widening your social circle and you are having a fun and relaxed time. Your vibes will be picked up by the other party. So the last thing you want him to feel is you really need a husband. Get that? *wink*
5. Make yourself available. This is so, so imperative! Asking others for some assistance, even though you don’t need it, could be one of the ways to start an opener with a colleague or a friend.

Have fun P, and all the best to you. You have to stay positive in this aspect, because when you believe, you will have it. Love goes to the believers.

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]dating & relationship, singles, boyfriend, partner, love advice, courtship, love coaching[/tags]

Dear S

Why not? What makes you ask such a question? Is he showing some signs that is confusing you?

Maybe you’d like to read this post “10 Signs That He Likes You” and hopefully you can get a better idea from there!

If you need anything else, please feel free to contact me.

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]singles, secret admirer, dating, courtship[/tags]

I met this girl whom I didn’t really expect to be attracted to at first. But her cute-ness and joyous personality draw me in very quickly. We used to hang out once to twice a week for the past 1 year plus.
 
Last year, I pop the question of possibility of a relationship before. She responded neutral at first, but I know I screw up as I proceed further. It is like I blanked out most of the time after my confession of love to her. Sensing someting is wrong, I took the step to tell her I wasn’t into her anymore and we should remain as friends. These helped me to return my state of mind to normal and I can start chatting with her normally.
 
So generally I keep getting into the so-called “mental barrier” when I got too emotionally attached to her. I still liked her a lot after, but didn’t really show it. So the normal hanging out continue. She would come to my place to watch DVDs, go out watch movies. I made offers to pick her up from the causeway whenever she came back to singapore from JB (sister’s place). This went on for a while until recently, I pop the question again. I told her I would still like to have her as a girlfriend. Her reply was “no chance”. I was depress for a while and manage to just picked up myself again. We are still friends now, but I am more open towards my feeling to her.
 
So I am mainly concern about the fact that she mentioned “no chance”. I mean, we are still good as friends. She is still the one I strongly hoped to spend my life with. On the other hand, since she said “no chance”, then should I let it go and not waste time with her?” - S

Dear S

What was the reason for her rejection? Was it something you can control, or not? If it is, what have you done about it or about yourself to make the situation more acceptable to her?

If it is not, then there really isn’t anything you can do except

1. continue to hang around until one day she changes her heart and mind; or

2. stop seeing each other for you to get over her and any remnants of possibilities that you two can get together as a couple.

There are repercussions for any of the two choices you can make above. You need to know how to handle the aftermath of your decisions. From what I see, it will somehow entail some misery on your part and work needs to be done to maintain a good and healthy emotional state in you.

Then again, the issue could lie in her and not in you. In this case, she could also consider getting some help (if she’s willing) to look at what is preventing her from receiving love and happiness without feeling bad.

Would you like me to support you during this process? You may wish to consider taking up a love coaching program with us and allow us to teach you how to handle the situation better and if need to, find out what areas you can improve on to become a better person and better partner when you enter into a relationship.

I wish you all the best and may you find your love soon!

Love, Kloudiia