In the past 7 days, has anyone praised you or told you what a wonderful person you have been or what a great job you have done?

If you haven’t, then fret not for you are certainly not in the minority group.

But if appreciation is such an important factor for one to feel good, then why isn’t we getting it? Or rather, why isn’t there enough appreciation going on around in this world?

There is a guy who came up to me recently and told me that he doesn’t feel appreciated or loved by his wife. I ask him what does it mean for him to feel appreciated? He said if his wife could thank him for working so hard for them he would feel that his efforts are worth it. I asked if his wife knew that he would like to hear her saying that? He said this: “Does she need me to tell her to tell me this?”

I replied: “What makes you think that she knows you need to hear her saying this if you don’t tell her?”

He looked at me for a while, and said: “But if I told her, then it would not sound real, right? I mean, it’s like me teaching her how to praise me. Then that’s not a real compliment already, isn’t it?”

I told him: “You’re teaching her how to love you in a way you like to be loved. You’re telling her you need appreciation from her time and again, because this will give you the energy in life.”

He was stunned for a while, before he nodded his head slowly and smiled. I think he got it!

Well, maybe it’s time that we stop whining about how we don’t get appreciated by people who matter to us, but start taking action to attract all these appreciation into our lives! Who says you can’t verbalise your need and want for appreciation to your boss, your spouse, your friend or even your parents?

If they don’t know they aren’t givng you what you want, then isn’t it your job to let them know? Of course, it’s not about you walking up and demand something like “I want you to show me your appreciation!” but rather by first giving yourself or your service to others and in turn, telling them nicely that you would really be thankful if they were to let you know when you’ve done an excellent job!

Ask, and you will receive.

At least, you are creating opportunities and windows for happiness, love, joy and satisfaction to flow into your life.

Remember, when you get it, be grateful and express your gratitude to the giver.

That’s how relationship is built and maintained.

Buying gifts for your loved one is an almost sure-hit romantic trick to make him/her fall to their knees. Similarly, launching a surprise move or act on your partner will give them immense pleasure as well. Like throwing an unexpected birthday party with a theme of his fantasy or hobby would surely go way down in his memory.

However, after a period of sneaking around preparing for this big moment, you might get a rude ‘surprise’ from your partner when you see the look of shock on their face when you shout “Surprise! Surprise!” You know well enough that that look wasn’t one of excitement.

Before you begin to feel depressed that you have failed as a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife terribly, take heart to know that you are, usually, not alone.

So how to surprise your loved one correctly so that they will receive it in exactly the intended form you planned for them – a sweet, nice, pleasant surprise?

The key is this – knowing them well.

Yes, you have to know your partner extremely well in order to make the right guess what they are wishing for in their hearts. How to know them really well? Use these 3 tips:

1. Listen – they may have casually mentioned about that wish, that unfulfilled dream or simply that iPhone they have eyed so long and is aching to have one. Or, they may be telling friends about how excited they’ll be if they can celebrate their wedding anniversary at Christmas Island. Get it?

2. Observe – pay close attention to your partner. Does his eyes light up when you mention F1? Does she clutch your hand tightly when she passes by the Korean popstar Rain?

3. Ask – when in doubt, always ask. Of course, you can practise lots of tact when asking so you won’t let the cat out of the bag. But at least you are sure that you are on the right track. 

Remember, pay attention to all the details, even down to the favourite colour for that particular item of your surprise. For example, she may love burning red roses but abhor blazing red pants. He may relish blue walls and shirts but squirm at blue suede shoes.

Lastly, if your surprise didn’t turn out to be the real deal, take that as feedback and make it a better one next time! As for you, if your partner meant to give you a surprise but somewhere alone the line messed it up a little, remind yourself that it’s the action, the love and the effort that truly counts.

I know, it can be a tad disappointing to see that you are not getting a white instead of blue because it is a telling sign on how much your partner actually knows you. Yes guys, ladies do use this as a way to gauge how much your love for them is, because by a woman’s standard, if you love her very much, you will know her very well.

But to all of you disappointed recipients of surprises, please, brush this aside and tell your partners sweetly that you appreciate their efforts. You do, don’t you? So focus on the thanks, and the rest will take care of itself.

If reel life is a reflection in real life, minus the drama part, then we can expect to see some of these action developing in our surroundings and we can learn some lessons from it.

How to go from long time friends to lovers? It seems like the challenge is about crossing that fine line. Friendship could be at stake here, and that’s why anyone who is making this attempt has to tread very carefully.

I just attended the wedding of this couple who have been good friends for more than 10 years. The platonic relationship saw the guy giving the gal support whenever she needed help. She treated him much better than any ordinary guy friend too, but sparks just didn’t flew between them. In fact, during the times when she was fell in and out of love, he was always there to hear the stories and lend her his shoulder.

It wasn’t until something happened in her family and he was still the one who was there all the time that they both realised that maybe, the relationship could be brought to another level after all. Maybe love has already crept in without them knowing. 

What can we learn from this couple? Several things, like

1. What’s impossible then might be possible now.

Circumstances change. People change. So what used to be impossible then may take some unexpected development. As we mature, our criteria for a marriage partner will definitely be different due to the dating and relationship experiences we accumulated over time. Hence, what didn’t fit then may just be the ones that will gel now.

Why is this important to know? Because it squashes the belief that if things can happen, it would have happened long ago, and if you are still platonic friends after 10 years, then you will continue to be for the next 10 to 20 years.

Fact is, you never know what is in store in the future.

2. Care and concern.

What can beat geunine care and concern for your friend? Even the coldest heart can be melted when you continuosly show that his/her interests are also yours each and every time. That’s what the guy did and eventually, even though the girl didn’t think it was possible between them at first due to the absense of “love sparks”, she thought twice when he stuck around caring and supporting her at a time of crisis.

3. The mystery of chemistry.

This is the reason that gives rise to the belief that if things will happen, it will happen long ago. Well, chemistry doesn’t equal attraction. Of course the latter helps to speed things up but it is not to be mistaken as chemistry.

Chemistry is a process. It’s a voyage, and it is developed as people get to know each other better. You begin to feel that the air is different when he suddenly completes your sentences. Your thinking frequency becomes in line and you share the same outlook towards life in general. That is chemistry. Do you get it at first sight? Rarely.

But you do get “electrocuted” at first sight. That’s the heart-thumping feeling you get when you first see the person. This is attraction. When one is attracted to another, our body finds pleasure in the company of this person. Naturally, you will feel good, and this feeling good is what many mistake as chemistry!

For this couple, after 10 years of friendship and almost 2 years of dating and courtship, they have more chemistry than the couple on the street with only 2 months of hot, sizzling passion between them.

3 lessons that refute the 3 myths people have about long-term friendships turning into romantic relationships. What can you learn from them and how can you apply to your own case, if you are caught in such a situation too?

[tags]dating & relationship, love and marriage, platonic friendships, long term friendship, secret admiring, unrequited love[/tags]