Stuart and I were in an exact same position. Though for only one minute, it said something about us. And this something, is in my opinion, what every single is looking for in a date – chemistry.

It has always been my stand that chemistry is not the heart-beating feeling you get when you meet someone on the first date, but something that is developed through time. This feeling is more of attraction than chemistry. 

Chemistry is that unspoken tact you share with a person. If the bond you have with another person is the channel that connects both of you, then chemistry is the fluid that flows interchangeably between the two of you. This fluid carries emotions and thoughts from one person to another, making them in tune and in sync with each other.

How do we build chemistry? If according to those people who insist that chemistry is that heart-beating feeling or that “you’ll know it when you first see the person” mentality, then chemistry is not something that is built over time, but is something that you either have it, or you don’t.

But what these people fail to realise is when you think you have chemistry with this person whom you just met, you are actually in rapport with him/her. If this person is skilled at building rapport with people, then chances are almost everyone will feel that they have chemistry with him! But that doesn’t necessarily mean these people know what he’s thinking of if he doesn’t say it out. However, someone who really has chemistry with him would most probably guess what is going on in his mind at a certain time.

When someone is attracted to another person, they experience some chemical reactions in their brains. Our brains emit this chemical – dopamine – that gives you pleasure and make you happy. And that is chemistry! But this is derived from another component – attraction. You feel this chemistry because you’re attracted to this person. Furthermore, if he/she builds rapport with you within the first 5 minutes, you’ll then feel as if you’ve known him/her for half a century. Again, you attribute this to chemistry. In actual fact, it is attraction plus good rapport, and these don’t add up to be known as chemistry (though it’s a great start to developing excellent chemistry!).

So the next time when you go on a date and you don’t feel anything special going on, do not brush the person off with that same, old reason - ”no chemistry”. Give each other a second chance to meet up again and find out more. Who knows, the chemistry might begin to develop once you’ve hit a common ground.

But if you are insistent that nothing good will come out of the dates, then at least do yourself a favour by admitting that your date isn’t attractive enough to live up to your expectations. In this way you make progress by knowing that you have a certain standard to measure up to with regards to physical outlook. And being able to know and acknowledge this is already taking a step ahead in your search for that special someone! At least now you know the reason why you guys have “no chemistry”, right?

On another note, if you and your date have absolutely nothing much in common, can’t hold a conversation decently for more than 5 minutes or one of you displays a certain behaviour that just about hit the alarm button of the other party, then I’d say, yes, move on to another person.

And when you meet someone with whom you feel you can instantly click with, congratulations! However, do not forget to still find out more about this person, because he/she may just be an expert in rapport-building and is probably very attractive who makes you feel good but may not be the right one for you after all.

And if you’re wondering if you can learn how to build rapport with anyone at anytime, the good news is – yes, you can. In fact, anyone can! And this is one of the things that I teach in my programmes and seminars as well.

They were classmates in a part-time degree course. Both of them were holding day time jobs, and she was one of the more popular girls in class. To get near her, he went all out to be there for her when she needed help. When he knew she had an intention to quit school because of the exhausting schedule juggling work and school, he bought a car and started ferrying her from office to school and home after that. As a result, he eliminated all competition because he would be the one to have dinner with her before school and sending her home. For this, she continued with her studies and they got married.

What can we learn from the two cases above?

When we set goals, we need to have a strategy on how to achieve them. However many times, we are conscientious on devising strategies to accomplish monetary and career goals, but when it comes to matters of the heart, they feel that having a strategy means setting up a trap for the other person.

I really beg to differ, for it is my belief that as with anything in life, it requires a strategy. The first plan may not work out, but we’ll definitely learn some lessons and use them to fine-tune our strategy. 

Did those two guys trick the girls to be their girlfriends or even wife? No, but they did know of the best way to get close to them and constantly remain at the top of the girl’s mind. The love and sincerity is genuine, and this, is precisely the reason why having a strategy to go after a girl (or even guy) is not considered a devious trap.

However, if a guy intends to go after a girl for immoral reasons, then regardless if he has a strategy or not, his intentions are not pure to begin with.

If you’re keen to find out more about powerful strategies to make the person you’re attracted to fall in love with you, you may like to submit your name by clicking here. When the seminar is finalised, you’ll be the first to be notified.

Use a strategy and get your goals!

Your mum is right – if you are still a three year old. Or anything less than the legal age required to buy a pack of cigarettes, or watch a R(A) movie.

Now, Kloudiia says you have to talk to strangers! In fact, you need to learn how to strike up a nice and easy conversation with a stranger so that you will leave a deep and lasting impression when you part ways. And the more strangers you talk to, the more at ease you will be when you ultimately meet the one. Yes, the one who will make your heart race and your body temperature to shoot up.

If you never learn how to talk to a stranger, how are you going to master the art of dating? Isn’t dating supposed to be meeting strangers and getting to know them before you decide if they are worth investing more time to explore if they fit into the long-term partner criteria?

Unless of course, you only allow yourself to talk to someone who is a friend of your friend as technically speaking, this person isn’t that totally foreign to you. In this case, you’re stuck with only one avenue of meeting potential partners – blind dates arranged by people you know. This already shrinks down your circle, because you can only cast your net this wide.

If there is any bit of the old adage of “Never talk to strangers” that still holds true and relevant in one’s single adulthood, it would be one additional piece of wisdom – “Never talk to suspicious strangers”.

If your intutition tells you that something could be wrong with this person you are facing, listen and trust your gut feeling. Run for your life! Remember to take along your bag and call your mom! (Alright, I’m joking about calling your mom, but I’m serious about running)

Otherwise, if this clean-shaven, tidily dressed and courteous gentleman walks up to you and chats you up, answer back! Or if this pleasant-looking lady is giving you a smile from across the table, smile back and maybe, walk over to say hi.

There is nothing wrong to talk to a stranger. In fact, there is everything wrong if you start behaving like some paraniod 3-year-old kid who fears that this person who could be remotely interested in you is actually coming after your money or body, or both, then it’s time to take out that pair of scissors. Cut off the apron strings from your mom now!

You are an adult, and please use your own better judgement to discern if this stranger is someone worth strking up a conversation with and getting to know him/her better for the sake of your future happiness.

When you are comfortable in knowing that it’s perfectly alright and fine to speak to a stranger, then you can pick up the skills to artfully know the right things to say at the right time to create the magic effect.

So, start to be watchful of your surroundings. You never know when Mr or Miss Gorgeous will be just around the corner, waiting for you to be spoken to.

[tags]striking a conversation, talking to strangers, meeting new people, dating, singles, making first appraoch, how to talk to stranger[tags]