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“Kloudiia

What if you don’t really like a person, but people say that you and the person make a cute couple? There’s this guy in my class. We argue almost everyday about random things. There are some days where I can’t stand him. Other days, he’s just fine when he shuts up. Geez, it’s like we’re an old couple how we act. I don’t know what this is: lust or just friends. Please help!” - AG

Dear AG

When someone can describe their relationship with another person as if they are an “old couple”, to me that sounds like perfect chemistry and nothing short of that! Yet the first thing you say is you don’t like him in your email. Hmm, you are confused indeed. Irony! Irony!

What makes you say you don’t like him, and if you are sure of this, then why are you confused over the status of your friendship? 

Ok, to give you benefit of the doubt, I shall assume you don’t dislike him to the extent to tick him out of your potential boyfriend list.  So let’s talk something something more exciting - lust, love or?

Whether or not is it lust depends on how you see this guy. Are you wildly attracted to him that you can’t wait to tear off his clothes and want to kiss him to death? If you’re not, then you can be at peace. Lust is not in the picture.

While lust can be so easily identified, we can’t say the same about this though - infatuation. Do you like him as a normal friend or is there something that is already in the brew and yet you are still not in the know?

What are the random things that you argue about? Are they of any significance to you knowing him better as a person? Do these arguments tell you something about his values?

Equally important is how do you quarrel? You may not pay attention to this since I believe those are on the spur moments, but maybe you can take note of this when the next spat occurs.  Why is this important? Because it’s another way of qualifying if he is a gentleman or a cad.

How do you care for and about each other? From here you can also probably tell if its a platonic friendship or if its really going somewhere.

Since you guys are still schooling, you can just take this slow and probably let nature run its course. At times, when you want to hurry, you may spoil that nice, tingling, bitter-sweet feeling of wandering in the grey area and about to step out into the real romance zone.

Don’t fret on this AG. Focus on your studies, and the rest will take care of itself. So long as you don’t kill each other after each argument, I guess both of you will be fine.

Lastly, if you’re so bothered by what people say, have you asked them why they label the two of you as a “cute couple”? Maybe there really is something that you are blind to… Isn’t it time to open your eyes now girl?

Love, Kloudiia

“Dear Kloudiia,

I was not having high expectations when I thought of penning my problems to you. But, I thought maybe some third party person could provide me some explanations.

And, maybe a love coach can do that…

I’ve been married for about 6 years now. Our relationship hasn’t been plain sailing since before our marriage. Our conversations are few and often short and uninteresting. Perhaps such intense relationship had developed over the years into what it is today. Now we talked even less, sometimes less than 5 exchanges in a day, and limited to short greetings or Q&As.

For me, I sometimes dreaded starting a conversation with her, as my first question was met with either a undeserved rebut or rude reply. I don’t think a simple question warrants such kind of behavourial reply. You could say that I’m not trying hard enough or not able to say the right things at the right time, but I’m just too tired to think further.

We have a child who is still young but very attached to her. I had thought having a child will give her more purpose in life and possibly improve our couple relationship. But, the much time spent between themselves has at many times cause her unnecessay stress and as a result, flaring tempers and tiredness showed up.

We have even stopped having any intimacy for a few years now. I’m taking a passing day as just a day with little purpose. Perhaps the joy of seeing our child growing up is what has been keeping the family together, albeit just under a roof.

I don’t think I will open up to her about the tensions, not in the years before, and not now.

Please tell me how to find more purpose in life and perhaps improve on the tensions we are living in.

With best regards,

Tired Man”

Dear Tired Man

You do sound tired, to the point of almost giving up. Well, I’m glad you’re still holding on, evidenced by the fact that you are sending me this email.

You are absolutely experiencing some huge challenges in the communication with your wife, and according to you it started way before your marriage. You do understand that both you and your wife are making a grave mistake in one of the most critical areas to maintain a marriage, don’t you?

Do you know what is your wife thinking about when she replies you in a undeserving way? Are you aware of her feelings and what is she experiencing when she is being nasty to you? Have you guys ever sat down and look at the issues that are tearing the two of you apart?

No matter how much you may abhor the idea, I’m afraid you have to do the talk. I understand it is going to be hard on you, as I’m sure it will be on her since the tap to an ongoing conversation has been padlocked for some time. But, someone has to take the first step. Since you are already sending this email, why don’t you take one more step further and make the move?

Don’t rush into things too quickly. Give yourselves some time to warm up to the idea of speaking to each other, and when the atmosphere is more harmonious and peaceful, then you can bring up one issue. Remember, one issue at a time. Don’t attempt to lump everything together. All you’ll get is another heated argument, or a prolonged cold war with no peace treaty in sight.

Bear in mind that the purpose of the talk is not to interrogate her, but to re-discover and to get to know your wife all over again. Only when someone isn’t made to feel that she is cornered will she feel safe and comfortable to bare her heart.

I believe that Secret #32: Arguing Without The Hurt, Secret #35: Ask - Because You Could Cement Your Relationship With This and Secret #45: Fixing The Leaks Before The Dam Bursts in my book “The 69 Love Notes” will come in pretty handy for you.

A person’s hostile attitude towards another usually doesn’t happen overnight. There has to be some sort of unhappiness that is brewing without a legitimate outlet for venting which leads to the accumlation of “emotoinal toxins” inside this person. What have you observed about her that could possibly be the cause of her coldness towards you? What was your role in this?

Have you been good enough to her? How good is good, and what is good is something that you should know by now. If you don’t, could it then be the reason why she is behaving like this?

Having a child in the home will no doubt cheer both of you up separately, but what you really want is a happy and loving union of the whole family unit, am I right? So don’t give up hope, until you have done your very best.

To find a purpose in life, we first need to ascertain what is important to us. What do you treasure? Your health, career, family, love, friendship, recognition?

You have to first take responsibility of your life before you can seek out the purpose to continue the way you are living it for. That’s what a purpose is for, isn’t it? Like a company’s mission, when spelt out clearly, every employees will follow that general direction and strive for excellence in their own unit.

As for the intimacy, well, you know as well as I do that when the communication bridge has finished its reconstruction and is firm and sturdy, then the time will come.

For now, focus on rebuilding the bond first.

I wish you, your wife and your child well.

If you find this journey rather challenging and you believe in the value of having a personal coach to assist you in exploring the options and designing strategies to achieve your outcome, please feel free to contact me. I’ll be in touch with you shortly when I receive your email.

All the best to you.

Love, Kloudiia

“Hi Kloudiia,

Came across your website and thought I might need some advice.

You probably hear this alot, but I’m having problems getting over a certain incident in the past involving my boyfriend and another girl.

He kinda told me a different and more ‘innocent’ side of the story which I truly believed. And since then, he changed slowly and things began to seem brighter and more promising between us.

But recently, I was told the actual story of their affair by a true witness who didn’t want to tell me then due to not wanting to see me hurt.

And let me tell you, my heart sank to the ground. I seriously cannot accept what they’ve done and the fact that my boyfriend lied about the whole thing. Problem is, things are getting so well between us now and bringing up the issue would risk another break up.

But the issue won’t stop ringing in my head. I need to hear the truth from him. And this will help me decide if I can really trust him again and if we can really continue our relationship and future plans. Because right now, I really doubt so.

Help?” - Y

Dear Y

The truth hurts. I’m sure you’ve heard of this saying before. How very true it is, isn’t it? Yet, we humans cannot not find out the truth, because to resist that is akin to resist the natural force of gravity. It is in us to see that we know the truth.

Like it or not, the cat has been let out of the bag and you cannot pretend not to see it. This instance has created a big knot in your heart which is making it heavier as days pass. You know as well as I do that you have to sort this conflict out if you still want to keep this relationship.

By doing so, you definitely risk facing a break up. So you have to ask yourself if staying in this relationship when your trust in him has begun to erode is going to work? If you know it won’t, then it’s only a matter of time that it will self-terminate as quarrels begin to surface more frequently due to your inability to trust him anymore. This is one of the signs of an unhealthy relationship.

When he does tell you the truth, how far are you willing to go to forgive him and forget about this entire incident? You have to know this answer well enough because this will determine how willing he is to divulge all the details which he was adamant at keeping from you in the first place.

So ask yourself what is the outcome you want to see for yourself and this relationship? Because you already know the truth, but you want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. If you don’t think you’ll be able to accept this deception, then how does knowing the truth from him make any difference?

And if you’re going to speak to your boyfriend about it, maybe you can also ask him the intention of not telling you the truth and his recent behaviour towards you and your relationship now. Hopefully this can gain him some brownie points and to help you to walk the path of forgiveness easier and smoother. 

I wish you all the best Y. If at the end of the day, your aim is to keep the relationship and you need to work on forgiving him and rebuilidng your trust for him again, coaching will be a useful tool you can consider using. Let me know then and we’ll see what we can work out for you, ok?

Love, Kloudiia

Technorati Tags: cheating, infidelity, trust, rebuilding trust, dating and relationship, forgive and forget

Your mum has constantly reminded you that whenever a stranger knocks on the door, don’t open it. Whenever a stranger approaches you, don’t speak to them. Don’t take sweets from strangers. Most importantly, don’t follow a stranger home.

Your mum is right - if you are still a three year old. Or anything less than the legal age required to buy a pack of cigarettes, or watch a R(A) movie.

Now, Kloudiia says you have to talk to strangers! In fact, you need to learn how to strike up a nice and easy conversation with a stranger so that you will leave a deep and lasting impression when you part ways. And the more strangers you talk to, the more at ease you will be when you ultimately meet the one. Yes, the one who will make your heart race and your body temperature to shoot up.

If you never learn how to talk to a stranger, how are you going to master the art of dating? Isn’t dating supposed to be meeting strangers and getting to know them before you decide if they are worth investing more time to explore if they fit into the long-term partner criteria?

Unless of course, you only allow yourself to talk to someone who is a friend of your friend as technically speaking, this person isn’t that totally foreign to you. In this case, you’re stuck with only one avenue of meeting potential partners - blind dates arranged by people you know. This already shrinks down your circle, because you can only cast your net this wide.

If there is any bit of the old adage of “Never talk to strangers” that still holds true and relevant in one’s single adulthood, it would be one additional piece of wisdom - “Never talk to suspicious strangers”.

If your intutition tells you that something could be wrong with this person you are facing, listen and trust your gut feeling. Run for your life! Remember to take along your bag and call your mom! (Alright, I’m joking about calling your mom, but I’m serious about running)

Otherwise, if this clean-shaven, tidily dressed and courteous gentleman walks up to you and chats you up, answer back! Or if this pleasant-looking lady is giving you a smile from across the table, smile back and maybe, walk over to say hi.

There is nothing wrong to talk to a stranger. In fact, there is everything wrong if you start behaving like some paraniod 3-year-old kid who fears that this person who could be remotely interested in you is actually coming after your money or body, or both, then it’s time to take out that pair of scissors. Cut off the apron strings from your mom now!

You are an adult, and please use your own better judgement to discern if this stranger is someone worth strking up a conversation with and getting to know him/her better for the sake of your future happiness.

When you are comfortable in knowing that it’s perfectly alright and fine to speak to a stranger, then you can pick up the skills to artfully know the right things to say at the right time to create the magic effect.

So, start to be watchful of your surroundings. You never know when Mr or Miss Gorgeous will be just around the corner, waiting for you to be spoken to.

[tags]striking a conversation, talking to strangers, meeting new people, dating, singles, making first appraoch, how to talk to stranger[tags]

“Kloudiia

I had this crush on a guy whom I met about 2.5 yrs ago through a social event. He was 8 years younger than me.. 26 yrs old. He graduated from uni last year, now studying post grad course.

I know its not right for me to even think about it, but I just can’t help it. He’s mature, polite and charismatic. Have never told him my feeling, we are just mutual friends all these while. What should I do?

I know I should get on with my life and let it go.. but I can’t help thinking of him. I even thought of telling him, maybe jokingly over msn to test his response.. but I just don’t have the guts to do it. Its really torturing… I guess I’m afraid of losing him even as a friend after telling him.

Pls tell me what I should do… thks.” - J

Dear J

I can understand how torn you must be feeling now. 

You’re right - you should get on with your life. But whether or not to let him go is another matter altogether.

You mentioned it is a crush. So are you only overwhelmed with all his strengths like maturity and charisma (sounds like he’s a good catch so I’m sure many girls will easily have a crush on him!)? How well do you know him? His values, life principles, goals, hobbies, lifestyle and his character. Do they meet your criteria for a partner? How well do they fit or misfit with yours?

I hope you are not digging your own hole and burying your head in it by being blind to all the realistic aspects of a person. If you are sure that it is more than just a crush, perhaps even close to love, then it is decision-making time.

You realise you have two choices, don’t you?

One - to let him know how you feel and get on with your life.

Two - to let him go without ever letting him know your feelings, and hence you won’t know how he feels towards you too, and get on with your life.

The second choice is the most straight-forward. No risk, no gain. But you probably have to deal with licking your “wound” for some time until the pain goes away. There is also a possibility that you might regret later on your non-action, and wonder what if you did tell him.

Is this the best option you can choose?

The first option means you have to take some risk, and whether there is a 50/50 chance that you might get your way depends on the type of relationship you have with him now.

Does he treat you the same as all his other gal friends? Has he ever paid special attention to some things you said or done? Has he cared or shown concern for you in a more attentive way? Did both of you go on single “dates” before? Who initiated that and how did it go?

Regardless of which choice you make, be aware of what you will be taking away from each option and how happy you will be with that.

Lastly, why do you feel it’s not right for you to like him? Is he married? Engaged? Or is he already in a very close relationship with another girl? Because other than these reasons, I don’t see why it is wrong for you to like him!

All the best to you J.

Love, Kloudiia

P.S: You might like to read this post I wrote earlier on for some useful tips and reference - “Dating A Younger Man”.

Technorati Tags: courtship, unrequited love, secret admirer, crush, secretly in love with a man, love younger man, how to confess love

“Kloudiia 

I was in a relationship with a guy who was 12 years older than me for 5 years.  During this time I gradually started to care for and take responsibility for his mentally challenged daughter and we spent almost every day together. 

All of a sudden things changed and he had a “friend” who was married and when I questioning the amount of time that she was spending he then responded that he didn’t like the jealous side of me and that he never saw me like this before and what did I have to worry about. I decided to back down and not pursue the conversation. 

It turns out that they were having an affair (him on me and her on her husband), he dumped me for her and I can not get over it.  We have a business together and he got her on the Board of Directors and has basically cut out my participation in the business.  Every time I see them I want to lash out. I don’t like feeling like this. 

Is there anything I can do to help my situation?  I also feel bad because his mentally challenged daughter has repeatedly called me and can’t comprehend why I am not around any more. She is very hurt by the fact that I am gone. But the part that I am trying to explain is that it is too painful for me to be around and do things with her after being hurt so bad.” - K

Dear K

I really empathise with you right now.  It must have been a roller coaster ride of huge waves of emotions and feelings sweeping over you. You are very brave to continue hanging on and to seek for help to get you out of your predicament. Please continue to have the courage to ride through this period, ok?

Now let’s take stock of your situation and see what are your options, shall we?

You need to realise that this relationship is over, completely because you know as well as I do if you’re able to accept him back into your life again.

So how do you move forward? It seems like the sticky part comes from the business investment and his daughter’s attachment to you. Let’s work on these 2 issues now first.

1. Business

If you are a shareholder and Director of this company, then I believe that he has no right to remove you away from the operations. Even if he were to get someone else on board, you have to endorse that inclusion by holding a Director’s meeting. Unless he roped the support and agreement of the other shareholders (if there are any besides you and him), otherwise he can’t do this to you.

Have you spoken to a lawyer regarding this? If you haven’t, it will be wise to seek one’s professional advice on your stand and rights in this company.

If you’re thinking of withdrawing, then be prepared to negotiate the terms with him. Things will be easier if you have an agreement drawn up before the company was incorporated on the terms for withdrawal. If you don’t, I’m sure the lawyer will be able to help.

2. Daughter

Now, this could be tricker to handle because of her special circumstance. You have to decide if you still want to continue your friendship with her based on the attachment and bonding both of you already share, or to end it altogether so that everything is clean between you and him.

I know making this decision could be a tougher one than whether to stay on in the business or not.

If you choose not to be with her anymore as what you’ve said, then how do you plan to do it with the minimum amount of hurt on her? You have to acknowledge that she will feel hurt no matter what, because it isn’t easy for someone like her to be so attached to a person.

But that doesn’t mean that it is now your sole responsibility to ensure that she is safe. Her father has a big role to play as well. What you can do is to smoothen out the effects of your detachment by explaining to her that you will not be able to go to her house and accompany her anymore. Tell her at least a few times so that this information will go into her. 

Let her father know about this and the rest is up to him.

Are you going to answer her phone calls in future? What does each option give you? Go through them and you’ll know which one will give you peace of mind.

Lastly, I may be wrong, but I got the feeling that you are angry and helpless now. Are you? If you are , I hope that you can work on this as well so that you will not bring this burden with you as you continue on with your life, and possibly your next relationship. I believe that you don’t like having this heavy feeling on your chest and bearing anger wherever you go.

All the best to you K. I wish that you will find peace, love and happiness.

Love, Kloudiia

Technorati Tags: cheating, extra-marital affair, breaking up, moving on, relationships

You’ve probably seen it unfolding on TV because such a development is good material to dramatise and create a climax for viewers to be hooked.

If reel life is a reflection in real life, minus the drama part, then we can expect to see some of these action developing in our surroundings and we can learn some lessons from it.

How to go from long time friends to lovers? It seems like the challenge is about crossing that fine line. Friendship could be at stake here, and that’s why anyone who is making this attempt has to tread very carefully.

I just attended the wedding of this couple who have been good friends for more than 10 years. The platonic relationship saw the guy giving the gal support whenever she needed help. She treated him much better than any ordinary guy friend too, but sparks just didn’t flew between them. In fact, during the times when she was fell in and out of love, he was always there to hear the stories and lend her his shoulder.

It wasn’t until something happened in her family and he was still the one who was there all the time that they both realised that maybe, the relationship could be brought to another level after all. Maybe love has already crept in without them knowing. 

What can we learn from this couple? Several things, like

1. What’s impossible then might be possible now.

Circumstances change. People change. So what used to be impossible then may take some unexpected development. As we mature, our criteria for a marriage partner will definitely be different due to the dating and relationship experiences we accumulated over time. Hence, what didn’t fit then may just be the ones that will gel now.

Why is this important to know? Because it squashes the belief that if things can happen, it would have happened long ago, and if you are still platonic friends after 10 years, then you will continue to be for the next 10 to 20 years.

Fact is, you never know what is in store in the future.

2. Care and concern.

What can beat geunine care and concern for your friend? Even the coldest heart can be melted when you continuosly show that his/her interests are also yours each and every time. That’s what the guy did and eventually, even though the girl didn’t think it was possible between them at first due to the absense of “love sparks”, she thought twice when he stuck around caring and supporting her at a time of crisis.

3. The mystery of chemistry.

This is the reason that gives rise to the belief that if things will happen, it will happen long ago. Well, chemistry doesn’t equal attraction. Of course the latter helps to speed things up but it is not to be mistaken as chemistry.

Chemistry is a process. It’s a voyage, and it is developed as people get to know each other better. You begin to feel that the air is different when he suddenly completes your sentences. Your thinking frequency becomes in line and you share the same outlook towards life in general. That is chemistry. Do you get it at first sight? Rarely.

But you do get “electrocuted” at first sight. That’s the heart-thumping feeling you get when you first see the person. This is attraction. When one is attracted to another, our body finds pleasure in the company of this person. Naturally, you will feel good, and this feeling good is what many mistake as chemistry!

For this couple, after 10 years of friendship and almost 2 years of dating and courtship, they have more chemistry than the couple on the street with only 2 months of hot, sizzling passion between them.

3 lessons that refute the 3 myths people have about long-term friendships turning into romantic relationships. What can you learn from them and how can you apply to your own case, if you are caught in such a situation too?

Technorati Tags: dating & relationship, love and marriage, platonic friendships, long term friendship, secret admiring, unrequited love

“Kloudiia

Hello. Maybe I am just having a troubled day but I am looking around for help with my problems. I’m sorry to bother you. But I read some of your advice to other people and it sounded good.

Here are the basics of what I am looking for help with.

Five years ago I met a girl online playing a game together, we fell in love and talked on the phone every day for many years. We broke up for a year, got back together for a year, and now she wants to marry me.

Problem is she wants me to go up to Canada to live with her. I am a US citizen and that is a barrier but it can be passed. I feel like I need to go to college first though so I can support her better. At least a 2 year degree, you know?

I do not think she is willing to wait for me to do this, but I think it would be best for us. Maybe I am just making excuses like I say but I dunno.

To add to this she seems really emotionally stressed lately. She got ill and I think her stress is rubbing off on me more than usual. Mostly with her having asked me to please decide on this matter of moving or not. Maybe we should be friends she says.

I’m… nervous in short. Most of the time I love her, but today I don’t. I am too wishy washy and it drives me nuts.

Do you have any advice? I’m sorry for troubling you.” - J

Dear J

So you now have a make or break decision to make, are you not? That must be stressful, because from what I’m reading, I guess you are still a pretty young lad who hasn’t really seen the world enough.

Getting married is a big thing, to me. Saying the marriage vows is not just about reading out the words, but really understanding the meaning behind it and what it entails for you and your partner for the rest of your lives.

It is a consolation that you are considering this issue more seriously and more in-depth than your girlfriend when you suggest going for a college degree so that you will be better off financially. Why then isn’t she seeing this point and giving you her support? Is there something that is bothering her which you aren’t aware of? Because at times, when a woman is pressing for marriage, what they are looking for could be other forms of security like commitment, or maybe a status.

How about an engagement? That’s provided you are sure of your feelings towards her and she towards you, and that you will choose to love her even when she can be quite difficult to handle with on some days, like this day you wrote to me for example.

Before rushing into marriage, I suggest both of you take a marriage preparation course. This will help the two of you to sit down and look at real-life issues that will matter a lot in a marriage. Things like values on various issues like family, finance, time, children etc. How much do you know about each other’s values and how are they in line? What about goals?

Have a good talk with her, and let her know how you feel towards marriage and how you feel towards her. Not agreeing to getting married now is not equivalent to you not loving her anymore. If this is what you are thinking of, then you should get her on the same page and understand you, not bending backwards to say “I Do” prematurely.

I’m not sure how much time do you spend with each other physically and not through a virtual space like the Internet or phone calls. If you guys haven’t been seeing each other at all, or only once in a blue moon, then maybe you would like to seriously consider relocation if keeping this relationship is in your cards, because that could be the reason why she wants to marry you. So that she could finally see and touch you!

All the best to you J. May you find the peace you need.

Love, Kloudiia

Technorati Tags: dating & relationship, marriage, ultimatum, getting married

“Dear Kloudiia 

1) I am 30 years old single and would like to find out how I can improve my social skills and enlarge my social circle despite long hours at work, and how to remain optimistic that its not too late at my age to find the right guy?

2) Should we have some idea about the type of guy that suits us and know what we want in a future partner so as to prevent wasting of time or should we keep our mind open and get to know people even though they may not look or seem to be the type we like ?

3) Do you believe that when we are destined to cross path with the guy of our life, things will happen at the right time and place and we should not be too focused on finding love, as the more we search the more it may elude us?

4) Hope you dont mind a personal question, but no obligation to answer if you prefer to have it remain confidential May I know how did you come to know you have this “calling” and passion about being a relationship coach and could you share how you knew your husband is the one for you, was there that right feeling and just knew he’s the one?” - A

Dear A

You are very organised, as I can see. So let me reply you in the same fashion, ok?

1. Remain positive and stay optimistic you shall A! I was still a swinging single, very busy and focused on my career at that age too! But never for a second did I doubted that I won’t find my Mr. Right as I held the firm belief that I would definitely meet him. At the same time, do not hasten to settle for any other guy just because you have reached 30. Therefore, what you can do is to continue to believe and maybe you can start visualising your future partner too. Who knows what the Law of Attraction will bring you when you set your sights firm on marriagehood?

What specifically about your social skills you want to improve on? Pinpoint them and seek help from books, seminars or from friends whom you know are good in those areas you are weak at. Coaching is another alternative you can consider.

As for your busy work life, maybe setting priorities can open you to more options? How have you managed your free time? What kind of changes or activities will you squeeze in to spice up your social life? How important is sprucing up your personal life? If it is very important, and it is a must for you to return to the dating scene, then I trust that you will know what decision to make when the options are laid out. 

2. A woman tends to panic more only when having children is in her cards, and she realises her biological clock is ticking. If you have this baby dream too, then you need to be more selective. But before you start deleting guys off your potential partner’s list, you have to know yourself well enough to determine what type of man suit you.

Do you know what type of men make your knees go weak? And do such guys match up to the more realistic side like stability, honesty, integrity and security as what most women look for when looking for a future marriage partner?

You see, many times we may have to forgo quite a bit of our wishes. That is why a man who suits you may not be the one who makes you go jelly at first sight, but that doesn’t mean chemistry won’t be built up over time, does it?

If now you are pretty clueless on the type of man who suits you, then the only way to find out is to date any guy that comes along the way. And with each one, observe what makes your heart skip a beat and what makes you want to leave right away. Come up with your own list and very soon, the answer will surface. Even if you aren’t attracted in any way to a guy, give him a chance to have a decent meal together, because you will never know how high inner substance ranks in your list with regards to physical looks unless you test it out.

3. I believe that Cupid may bring two strangers together to meet for the first time, but the rest is up to human action. Even when they are married, more efforts and harder work need to be done to maintain a marriage healthy. Relationships that last aren’t products of luck, or fate or destiny. It is the result of plenty of understanding, compromising, patience, tolerance, love and communication between two committed people.

Love won’t drop on your laps if you don’t put yourself out into the market and be seen. For fate to help us, one needs to help oneself first. Do you agree?

4. I come from a divorced family and hence I went through a certain amount of pain and distrust for men and relationships myself. But I walked through that period and I like to be able to do the same for those who want to have a partner.

As for my hubby, well, to put it this way. Though there is this feeling that tells me he most probably is “the one”, nevertheless I don’t leave things to chance by depending fully on my feeling. I checked if we are compatible or not before I finally say “I do” in church.

A, at your age I believe you will know what you want better than if you were at 25. Therefore, celebrate your maturity and not let it come in your way. Believe that you are the best and you deserve the best, than you will get it.

All the best to you

Love, Kloudiia

Technorati Tags: singles, dating, relationship, busy executives, marriage partner, is he the one

“Kloudiia

Hi there, well, I’m texting this message because I love a girl, but the problem is she has got a boyfriend, I’m 17, she is 16 and her boyfriend is 24, she met him through the internet, she never showed him to us and she never speaks about him, they’re together for 8 months, and since they’re together she gets mad easily and more than it’s often, and a lot of things in her changed…

Every friend of mine told me “you deserve better”, she met this guy through an online game and met him alone, only by herself (very dangerous). She has been losing part of her friends due to her attitude and she doesn’t hear our opinions and just does whatever she wants…

Do I deserve better? Should I still try something with her? Or should I pass and get someone who really deserves me?

PS: the guy is a total freak, the kind of guy who is a total nerd and never got no one and now he just met a girl through the net and and is her boyfriend since he can’t get no one of his age

PS2: the guy hasn’t got many friends

PS3: some of my friends hate him, because in msn he sad bad things to them

PS4: she just sees the guy twice a week, if she is lucky” - C

Dear C

Well it looks like the ball isn’t in your court, if there is a game after all. You are secretly (or not?) in love with this girl who is attached. Whether or not she is happy with this guy isn’t within your control, and until and unless she decides to call it quits, I guess you can only stand at the sidebench and be a spectator.

In the current state that she is in, she doesn’t look like she is open to anyone. So, what is it that you would like to do to break this barrier of entry? Have you done that already?

I can’t answer the question whether you deserve someone better, because we can’t really compare this girl with someone else and decide who scores more, right? But I’d put my hands up that you should find someone who is more compatible with you. Is this girl suitable for you? Do you know enough about her to conclude if she fits in with your lifestyle, values and perspectives on life and relationships?

Now, forget about her boyfriend and focus on yourself C. What type of relationship and girlfriend do you want? Be clear on this and you will know where you stand. Then, coming up with options and making a decision will be much more a breeze than now.

Lastly, you certainly deserve the best you can have. The best not necessarily means she is the best in all aspects, but the best in terms of compatbility in important areas that will make or break a relationship.

All the best to you!

Love, Kloudiia

Technorati Tags: teenage love, puppy love, infatuation, girlfriend, dating & courtship, relationships